Uneasy Rider

I was takin' a trip out to LA Toolin' along in my Chevrolet Tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio Jes' as I cross the Mississippi line I heard that highway start to whine And I knew that left rear tire was about to go Well the spare was flat and I got uptight 'Cause there wasn't a fillin' station in sight So I jes' limped down the shoulder on the rim I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car It was right in front of this little bar A kind of a redneck lookin' joint called the Dew Drop Inn Well I stuffed my hair up under my hat And told the bartender that I had a flat And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one There was one thing I was sure proud to see There wasn't a soul in the place 'cept for him an' me And he just looked disgusted an' pointed toward the telephone I called up the station down the road a ways And he said he wasn't very busy t'day And he could have somebody there in jest 'bout ten minutes or so He said now you jes' stay right where yer at and I didn't bother Tellin' the durn fool I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go I just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar When some guy walked in an' said who owns this car With the peace sign the mag wheels and four on the floor Well he looked at me and I damn near died And I decided that I'd jus wait outside So I layed a dollar on the bar and headed for the door Jes' when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin These five big dude come strollin' in With this one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth An' I was almost to the door when the biggest one Said you tip your hat to this lady son An' when I did all that hair fell out from underneath Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight In Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night 'Specially when there was three of them and only one of me Well they all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick And I knew I'd better think of somethin' pretty quick So I jes' reached out an' kicked ol' green-teeth right in the knee He let out a yell that'd curl your hair But before he could move I grabbed me a chair And said watch him folks 'cause he's a thouroughly dangerous man Well you may not know it but this man's a spy He's an undercover agent for the FBI And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan He was still bent over holdin' on to his knee But everyone else was lookin' and listenin' to me And I layed it on thicker and heavier as I went I said would you beleive this man has gone as far As tearin' Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars And he voted for George McGoveren for president Well he's a friend of them long-haired hippie type pinko fags I betcha he's even got a Commie flag Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage He's a snake in the grass I tell ya guys He may look dumb but that's jus a disguise He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage They all started lookin' real suspicious at him And he jumped up an' said jes' wait a minute Jim You know he's lyin' I've been livin' here all of my life I'm a faithfull follower of Brother John Burch And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church And I ain't even got a garage you can call home and ask my wife Then he started sayin' somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed But I didn't wait around to hear the rest I was too busy movin' and hopin' I didn't run outta luck And when I hit the ground I was makin' tracks And they were jes' takin' my car down off the jacks So I threw the man a twenty an' jumped in an' fired that mother up Mario Andretti woulda sure been proud Of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd Comin' out the door and headin' toward me in a trot An' I guess I shoulda gone ahead an' run But somehow I couldn't resist the fun Of chasin' them jes' once around the parkin' lot Well they're headin' for their car but I hit the gas And spun around and headed them off at the pass Well I was slingin' gravel and puttin' a ton of dust in the air Well I had them all out there steppin' an' a fetchin' Like their heads were on fire and their asses was catchin' But I figured I oughta go ahead an split before the cops got there When I hit the road I was really wheelin' Had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin' An' I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas I think I'm gonna re-route my trip I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped If I went to LA via Omaha!