Voices in My Head

As I walk through life Comfy doing my thing As I watch you Check As I walk through life Comfy doing my thing I look to the side, and I see A few man, they wanna ruin my thing But I guess that's life Each step that I take I'm pursuing my thing And my thing is rhymes Lord knows I ain't chewing up kling But a man's been low You never would know I'm a confident brother so it never would show Mom worked 2 jobs, I was waiting after school but she never would show True, I walked home alone, I would think to myself I'mma win as I grow True, it messed with my soul, why I had different hair, different scent, different clothes Different cars, different homes, different drive, different life, different rights, different rows I see them pull up in a Rolls, in a Benz, it depends on the day I suppose Me, I used to spend the saving money on a sausage roll, pray my mom would never know Used the change for a sweet, then roll down the street procrastinating with the bros Another charity case, only really there for the stats to be safe Couldn't even have my hair platted in braids Austentatious with the capital A But it's capital O, and a grammatical O Put them in their place, they was all baffled and froze I said don't chat shit when you don't actually know I always felt like I had sutting to prove So I kinda went on, like I had nothing to lose Thiefing off niggas who were nothing to move I was risking my life, as a youngun for food I went through a phase when I was 16, it was weird I used to wanna murder people's voices in my head I never really spoke about the voices, but instead I locked myself away and studied lyrics in a shed At least it felt like that I had a flat, but just a room Kitchen next to the toilet, bed against the wall I folded to the wall to make a bit of extra room Bro, have you ever tried to make a table with a stool Back then I was 18, I was really with the shits If you disrespect, I stab a nigga in the neck I kicked him in the stomach there was blood all in his sick It left a man depressed and struggling to hit a lick I started havin' dreams of getting dipped up in a flat So I was moving Pow, couldn't kick it in the track And then I met my ex, she said nigga stick to rap And I was really in my feelings so I listened to her chat I had to cut off everybody including my dad To focus on my craft to make a living from a pad I had to drop the missus, she was tripping, I was sad Dwelled on it for years, I couldn't move when it was mad But I took a lesson from the madness that she brang It's fleeting if you say it, but immortal if it's sang I really got to grindin' everyday I made a jam I built a lyric library as a critic and a fan I'd analyze my lyrics and compare them to a mans I know his flow was something really hard to understand Everybody offbeat with their punches, when they land That's why I'm still on my feet throwing bombs under the round I seen a couple niggas killed, right before my eyes Seen 'em really crying as they look into the sky I saw a lot of fear, I saw regret, I saw pride He didn't wanna die, grabbed his girl, he said goodbye The ambulance is coming, it's too late to heal the wounds The pool of blood is growing, see it stopping and resume The ledges of the pavement made the spreading of his stool Till it flowed over the top like an infinity pool These the kinda random things your mind clocks in the mist Of seeing something devilish, the devils hit the delish The angels they disgustingly digested what you must've, But you can't see their reaction, ca' you caught up in the shit The devil on my shoulder was an elder, I would shot for I'd shot a little Z and he would pressure me to shot more I never had no money for no Gucci or no Tom Ford I would get my rep from robbing, hit the road then I would shot more My name is my name, as the wolfgang says So I add a bait face, niggas looking for my place Same time I had a stepdad tryna instigate Real beef with the son of the woman that he date Remember when he told me he would kill me and my mum I looked her in the eyes and said is this what it's become My niggas they'll ride, so if you're still troubling mum By the time that we arrive I'll push something in your lung And that was the last thing I saw of him or her Until a year later when he pushed her down the stairs I didn't really try and talk about it with my peers I was just looking for the nigga, wow, he really disappeared Feds even pulled a nigga asking for a statement Said I deal with it myself, ca' I ain't talking to you wastemen I got murder on my mind, so we can't have no conversation I got murder on my mind, it won't be mellow when I face him, huh So face facts Is only 1 life, right on the train tracks They was 18 in a polo with the strap And I was only fifteen when they pull that to my gaf I used to be a positive and optimistic yute But trials and tribulations got me negative and rude I used to have respect now I'm a disrespectful yute I used to love my fellow human, now that's "move I'm comin through" My mommy couldn't walk and for that, I'mma kill them In 99 I was in a warehouse in Kilburn My dad worked there, grinding, building I know he wants more for his three likkle children The good don't come to anybody that waits The good only come if you get up and chase I chased man down with a blade for a grade Till they stabbed me in the face, and left a stain on my brain And I thought to myself, to remain here the same Only ends one way, you shouldn't play with the pain It's amazing how the mind turns pain into depression It's amazing, how a knife don't care 'bout fame I went through a phase when I was 16, it was weird I used to wanna win so much the voices in my head Telling me to kill them niggas, so I went and killed them niggas Didn't kill em dead, I killed the music thing instead Done