My Mom

My mom loves Valium and lots of drugs That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom My mom, my mom, I know you're probably tired of hearing 'bout my mom Oho whoa-ho, But this is just a story of when I was just a shorty And how I became hooked on val-i-um. Valium was in everything, food that I ate The water that I drank Fucking peas in my plate She sprinkled just enough of it to season my steak So everyday I have at least three stomach aches Now tell me what kind of mother would want to see her Son grow up to be an under-a-fucking-chiever My teacher didn't think I was going to be nothing either What the fuck you stickin' gum up under the fuckin' seat for? Misses Mathers your son has been huffin' ether Either that or the mother fucker's been puffin' reefer But all this huffin' and puffin' wasn't what it was either It was neither, I was buzzin' but it wasn't what she thought Pee in a tea-cup? Bitch you ain't my keeper I'm sleepin' What the fuck you keep on fuckin' with me for? Slut you need to leave me the fuck alone I ain't playin' go find you a white crayon And color a fuckin' zebra My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom Wait a minute, this ain't dinner, this is paint thinner You ate it yesterday I ain't hear no complaints did I? Now here's a plate full of painkillers Now just wait til I crush the Valium and put it in your potatoes Ya little mother fucker, I'll make ya sit there And make that retarded fuckin' face without even tastin' it You better lick the fuckin' plate, you ain't wastin' it Put ya face in it before I throw you in the basement again And I ain't givin' in you're gonna Just sit there in one fuckin' place spinnin' in Until next Thanksgiving' And if you still ain't finished it I'll use the same shit again Then when I make spinach dip it'll be placed in the shit You little shit you want to sit there and play innocent A rack fell and hit me at K-Mart and they witnessed it Child support, your father he ain't sent the shit And so what if he did? it's none of your dang business kid. My mom, there's no one else quite like my mom I know I should let bygones be bygones But she's the reason why I am high on what I'm high on My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom My mom loved Valium now all I am is a party-animal I am what I am but I'm strong to be finished with me Valium spinach But my buzz only lasts about two minutes But I don't want to swallow it without chewing it I can't even write a rhyme without doin' it My Valium, my Valium Man I never thought that I could ever be a drug addict Nah fuck that, I can't have it happen to me But that's actually what has ended up happenin' A tragedy from fucking passin it up got to me And it's probably were I got acquainted with the taste ain't it Pharmaceuticals are the bomb mom beautiful She killed the fucking dog with the medicine she done fed it Feed it a fucking Aspirin and say that it has a headache Here, want a snack? You hungry you fucking brat? Look at that, it's a Xanax. Take it and take a nap, eat it, But I don't need it. Then fuck it then break it up Take a little piece and beat it before you wake Nathan up Alright ma, you win I don't feel like arguin' I'll do it, pop it gobble it and start wobblin' Stumble hobble tumble slip drip Then I fall in bed with a bottle of meds And a Heath Ledger bobblehead My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her Because my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs That's why I'm on what I'm on 'cause I'm my mom