Criminal

A lot of people ask me, stupid fuckin' questions A lot of people think that, what I say on record Or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life Or that I believe in it Or if I say that, I want to kill somebody, that I'm actually gonna do it Or that I believe in it Well, shit, if you believe that Then I'll kill you You know why? Cause I'm a criminal! Criminal You god damn right I'm a criminal Yeah, I'm a criminal My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge That will stab you in the head Whether you're a fag or les' Or the homo-sex, hermaph', or a trans'a'vest' Pants or dress, hate fags? The answer's "yes" Homophobic? Nah, you're just hetero phobic Starin' at my jeans, watchin' my genitals bulgin' (ooh!) That's my motherfuckin' balls, you'd better let go of 'em They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of 'em Hey, it's me, Versace Whoops, somebody shot me! And I was just checkin' the mail Get it? checkin' the 'male'? How many records you expectin' to sell After your second L.P sends you directly to jail? Come on! relax guy, I like gay men Right, ken? give me an amen (amen!) Please lord, this boy needs Jesus Heal this child, help us destroy these demons Oh, and please send me a brand new car And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher You can't reach me, my mom can't neither You can't teach me a goddamn thing 'cause I watch t.v, and Comcast cable And you ain't able to stop these thoughts You can't stop me from toppin' these charts And you can't stop me from droppin' each March With a brand new C-D for these fuckin' retards Duh, and to think, it's just little ol' me Mr. "Don't give a fuck," still won't leave I'm a criminal Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime To tell em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one I'm a criminal Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime To tell em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one My mother did drugs, tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed The baby came out, disfigured, ligaments indeed It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me I'm a criminal ! An animal caged who turned crazed But how the fuck you supposed to grow up when you weren't raised? So as I got older and I got a lot taller My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger I drink more liquor to fuck you up quicker Than you'd want to fuck me up for sayin' the word My morals went, when the president got oral Sex in his oval office on top of his desk Off of his own employee Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me You can't miss me, I'm white, blond-haired And my nose is pointy I'm the bad guy, who makes fun of people that die In plane crashes and laughs As long as it ain't happened to him Slim shady, I'm as crazy as em- Inem and Kim combined the maniac's in Replacin' the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place (mm-mm-mm!) oh, that's Dre with an A.K to his face Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place I told you Dre, you should've kept that thing put away I guess that will teach you not to let me play with it, eh? I'm a criminal Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker Get the motherfuckin' money and get the fuck up outta there Aight I'll be right here waitin' on you Aight Yo 'em What?! Don't kill nobody this time Aw'right, god damn, fuck How you doin'? Hi, how can I help you? Yeah I need to make a withdrawal Okay Put the fuckin' money in the bag bitch and I won't kill you! What? oh my god, don't kill me I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin' around Don't kill me, please don't kill me I said I'm not gonna fuckin' kill you Hurry the fuck up! {boom} thank you! Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it So I'll be disguised in it And if anybody identifies the guy in it I'll hide for five minutes Come back, shoot the eyewitness Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck You motherfuckin' chickens ain't brave enough To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass And if it's not a rapper that I make it as I'm a be a fuckin' rapist in a Jason mask I'm a criminal Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime To tell em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one I'm a criminal Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime To tell em what's on my mind, I guess I'm a criminal But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird And keep goin', I don't take shit from no one