My Contribution to Society

by Icicle

Born and raised in communist Bulgaria, Krassy Halatchev (Icicle) grew up with a few tight friends who were true music maniacs. Being one of them as well, he studied and analyzed every note of the repertoire of his favourite bands (Pink Floyd, Genesis, The Police, The B-52’s, Depeche Mode, The Cure,…



MY CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY

As I look at the clock, it’s a quarter to four
I put on my uniform and head for the door
I stop by the bong and take a deep puff
Then I hit another cause one is not enough

Now I’m running and screaming down A1A
I pass the bus in the left hand lane 
Shout at the tourists to get out of my way
This fucking job is driving me insane

My current speed is right at 83
Here goes my contribution to society
My current speed is right at 83
Here goes my contribution to society

Ever think that maybe I’m alive?
Then why the hell won’t you just leave a five?
I’m your prostitute not your fucking slave
The difference is - prostitutes get paid

No, I don’t want to serve you your big fried shrimp
I’m your waiter not your fucking gimp
Who the hell do you think you’re whistling at? 
Eat your clam strips - make you big and fat

What’s your early big special, my forks got a spot
Where’s my tartar sauce, my coffee’s not hot
Can we get a booth, can we get more bread
How ‘bout a nice fresh kick in the head

My dinner count is right at 63 
That’s my big contribution to society
My dinner count is right at 63 
That’s my big contribution to society

Ever think that maybe I’m alive?
Then why the hell won’t you just leave a five?
I’m your prostitute not your fucking slave
The difference is - prostitutes get paid

I try to clock in but I can’t find my time card 
It was right here last night it shouldn’t be that hard
Here it is on the floor all sticky and sour
I punch in so I can make two dollars an hour
 
I pick my section, I’m stuck in the back room
Ten sauce trays to fill, got to wash my shirt soon
First table of mine is anxious to meet me
Cause they’re in a big rush and they want some sweet tea!

Next table of mine is down on vacation
They have come here from Georgia to see Disney’s great nation
They’ve got plenty of money but they need it for later
So you know that their plan is to just stiff their waiter

Last table of the night comes in right at ten
They stay until midnight and leave five percent

My dinner count is right at 43
That’s my big contribution to society
My dinner count is right at 43
That’s my big contribution to society

Ever think that maybe I’m alive?
Then why the hell won’t you just leave a five?
I’m your prostitute not your fucking slave
The difference is - prostitutes get paid

Ever think that maybe I’m alive?
Then why the hell won’t you just leave a five?
I’m your prostitute not your fucking slave
The difference is - prostitutes get paid

Written by: Joel Jenkins

Submitted by: herd_recs on June 11, 2019

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