Search results for 'toilet humour'

I've quit to eat both wheat and meat, I hardly use my toilet seat.
I've lost my sence of humour,
must have been eaten by that tumor in my toe.

Now it´s time for me to sing out my pains for everyone.

You have the personality of an unplugged refridgerator thats full of food
You have the humour of a 1 armed mine that comes across rude
Your only as smart as your dumbest answer
Talent and mentality of a grave yard dancer
Your all smiles, bad breath, undressed and lewd
And your smoke screen lazy just to drive them crazy
Did you fall on your head when you fell out the tree
It seems to be thats all that this could be
Forever toilet paper stuck on the bottom of your shoe
Hot boxin cars after the bars with crazy glue
The world was your oyster you had it by the balls
Then you took a nose dive down niagra falls
Would come as some big surprise but then again it's you
Just a thousand car pileup stacked on down a mile up
Just a hazy steamin pile of mess
your plain and Jane and just like the rest
This is all about the bridge and the coarse
But I can't seem to find the next sentence of coarse
Well It ain't no secret your a world class top shelf dumpster fire
You got your fingers crossed behind your back shit talk liar
You have a capacity crowd without a joke
Your the charcoal grill without the smoke
Pushed it over the edge total breakdown to the wire
Yeah and your smoke screen lazy jus to drive them crazy
So have another drink or dump it down the sink
Keep it on the rails and don't be a dink
Just a detriment to the big picture of the day
You got shoes in wet cement chasing through the streets trying to run away
It's all on the table when it comes to bad taste
Between me and old ladies well I'll win the race
Could be ontop of the world and still feel out of place
Just a thousand car pile up stacked on down a mile up
Yeah a hazy steaming pile of mess
Your plain and Jane and just like the rest
But this is all about the bridge and the coarse
But I cant seem to find the next sentence of coarse

Writing with corona
Treating me so so
I'm glad it's not Ebola
Flow be so cold, got stones in my cola
Fight over the illness or the stillness comes after
Trying to diss your idles
It's Nas what you think
Oop, sheesh
I did it again
Stuck my foot in and filled up the pen
Venom for friends
Letting off vents
Sending a threat
With blending lexicons
Mexicans
Where's he going then
Getting ropey thin
Cause he's dicey with the rhymes, see
Showing he's a ten
Rhymes schemes mimicking the villain
Doing crime scenes
So that's why he's getting
Reasons from me is like drawing blood
From a stone in the third line
Worst kind of guy at a party on his own
Especially a do of wine, fine dined
There's no control

Cookie

Cause I'm out here with my own agenda
Like I'm on the liberal side
I've got nine invented
Sixty more to go until considered progressive
I've got the lyrical rhymes but still the feeling of hectic
Stealing your necklace
Maybe you'll be lucky and your son will be wealthy
It will give him a message
And he'll fight to be healthy
Till he's fighting crime, biding time
Till he's wrecking the pedigree sentenced insanity
Criminality
Joking and laughing, see
Poking all the bears
He's just goading and choking beasts
Hoaxes all around
He's a clown and he wants to scream
Coming from the beach, need your life-guarded
So you'll not eaten by beasts
Try to fight it, Spielberg
Turn you from your toilet cause you're still sure
That you're butts being munched by a shark with steel fur

It's a mechanical handful of languid harrowed scam fuel
There's no damage in planning to can it as scandalous food
Vandals through the gates from vans will do
Anything they can with hands of malice attitude
Gagging who
The mayor, is he slapping you
Challenging roofs
Like you're up in Notre Dame
Not to lame
But I've got a thing against the French
Regarderais
Baby names
I'll go Quasimoto
Just to get the beats insane lazy way
Opening up doors
Saving face
Opportunities for a training day
Flavoured brain with hazy rays and tasty grains

Cannibalistic Halloween treats
Trynna get mystic
A can of green meats
Sam would have fixed this with ham and street beats
But I'm a man of a fixed tick
I spaz a mean crease
Oh sheesh

In my sheets cause I'm laughing too hard
Farting and God
I'm coughing my Lord
I'm swarmed with a cold
I'm vomming some mould
The toilet explodes
I'm sorry for gross
But just so you know
My humour's devolved
Until it stops and I don't have one
Foul mob about to run me down as a trial flop
Fake, unreal reality
Got something bad like a cavity
Fill it with some sweets and actually break the dentist's jaw
Tell him to say cheese
Take a pic but the shutter's flawed
Do you struggle with simple feats says the doc
I take him to a huddle
Snap his feet for the fun
Didn't need the chap
Could use the beat as a gun

Popstar

Scatman John

Scatman's World

1995

Someone's got to be the hero
Someone's got to do the job
Someone's got to do the business
Someone's got to be the fool
Someone's got to be the hero
Someone's got to do the job
Someone's got to be the clown who's creating the sound and makes the world go round
 
I'm a topstar,rock star,shooting star,falling star,hero and a sample success
I got gold-plated toilet tissue
Money never is an issue
TV people call me as their guest (Scatting)

I got low hangin' trousers all the way to the top
All the things a home boy could ever be
My life is so upgraded
My ego's so inflated
That I've become an X-rated fantasy (Yeah)

Someone's got to be the hero
Someone's got to do the job
Someone's got to do the business
Someone's got to be the fool
Someone's got to be the hero
Someone's got to do the job
Someone's got to be the clown who's creating the sound and makes the world go round
 
I'm the Captain of Charisma and the Sultan of the Soul
I'm looking I can set you all free
Just look at me,it's plain to see
It's obvious,you must agree

I'm everything you'll ever want to be
I take my name as serious as any popstar can
I'm a leader and an icon and a revolution man
I'm starring in a video I'm to hot to flop
I'm the goal of every seeker and my ratings never drop
 
Well I'm rising to the top and you can see I'm really hot
And you know I'm everything I portray
I'm so hip-slickin' cool and so charismic as a rule
That I don't take the time to finish what I say

Popstar,lollipop,popsicle,hall of fame
Look at me,I'm bigger than life
I've got patent leather shoes and I never pay my booze
And I don't sing the blues or take a wife

Everthing you've heard me say so far is a joke
An open mind and sense of humour is our only hope
I want to say just one more thing before I move along
I betcha really glad we're near the end on the song

I leave you now,take a bow
Hope you all agree
A popstar isn't everything it's cracked up to be
If I have to do anything it's what I want to say
A pop is an explosion,all you've got is you today

Someone's got to be the hero
Someone's got to do the job
Someone's got to do the business
Someone's got to be the fool
Someone's got to be the hero
Someone's got to do the job
Someone's got to be the clown who's creating the sound and makes the world go round
 
(With Scatting Over)
Someone's got to be the hero
Someone's got to do the job
Someone's got to do the business
Someone's got to be the fool
Someone's got to be the hero
Someone's got to do the job
Someone's got to be the clown who's creating the sound and makes the world go round

Too hot to flop,too hot to flop (Just look at me)
Too hot to flop,too hot to flop (Yeah)
Too hot to flop,too hot to flop (Just look at me)
Too hot to flop,too hot to flop

Just a semblance of a human but only on the outside

I'm just another American psycho
U can put me on your little lock em up list
Don't bother telling me so because I already know
And I really don't give a shit

Don't tell me that you're here to help me 
Or try to hold my hand 
Don't tell me that u know what's best for me 
Because u wouldn't understand

Don't say that u want to help me 
Or try to hold my hand 
Don't tell me that u know what's best for me 
Because u wouldn't understand

And u can't send me to the loony bin
Because I'm too rich to be a resident 
Well, so many people humour me
I should probably run for president

What's the price you've gotta pay when you were born in the dirt
The only things your parents cover
Is a shoe and a shirt
A couple kids they've gotta feed
So it's just sleep for dessert
But through the night you keep awake Your stomachs starting to hurt
You're walking hours just to drink
The nearest well is in miles
And from the village even going school is buried in trials
So if you didn't then it's normal cos your family's poor
And that Nigerian kinda poor
Is not just normally poor
You get the grades to go to college
That's the first in the house
That's even though your mother died your dad is missing a spouse
You told your mother that you'd make it
Be the doctor at home
Because your dreams were always bigger than the dirt and the loam
And with the way you loved your mother
That's a promise you'll keep
Because the night before she died she called her son to her side
She told you son it's good to work because the talking is cheap
The bible says it's what you sow that you reap
So even though your fathers proud
To give you money isn't something he can
Your scholarship made him the happiest man
You go to uni in the city
All your taking is a bag and pan
it wasn't long before the hustle began
Cos all the scholarship had paid was just the route the books and a school
A couple mates have got a house and a pool
Without the money needing food
You're going car to car and begging the fuel
It's not a thing of who's looking a fool
You made a promise to yourself that when it comes to grades you're putting your best
So that just meant that you would work when you're stressed
And everybody knows that anything with medicine at uni is hard
It takes another level aceing the test
So in the nights when all your friends they wanna party putting drinks on their card
You put your feet inside a bowl in the yard
To keep you woke because you're tryna read your books
Your friends they think you're possessed
And that's just how you got the best in the west
So graduating what's the price you gotta pay when you were born in the dirt
The only things your parents covered is a shoe and a shirt
You finished uni that degree is like a trophy you own
You paid the price and yeah you suffered alone
And now you've got the job you're living in the city with a car and a house
You've found a partner that you're calling a spouse
Your luck is changing
So the second that you get to put a ring on her hand
You look to God and blow a kiss from your mouth
It's like your mothers looking down just saying son
I see the route that you took
You took the road with opposition and look
You made a promise when I died you'd work the hardest work
Be the doctor at home
So in the desert I provided a brook
That's how it goes she told him God was always watching when he put in the work
He had to see that he could work as a clerk
That's how it goes she said she's happy that he took the fighting spirit from her
Cos if you fail you couldn't handle the perk
So as it goes he kept on working at the job he had some kids of his own
So in his house he's now the man on the throne
He held his daughter for the first time and told his wife I promise she won't
Have to suffer like i suffered my own
Cos all the working that he's doing now
Is just to make it better for the future
And such is life his wife gets tumor
Said he felt it coming said the good times end because it's good times that hell finds Humour
Getting better
What's the price you gotta pay when you were born in the dirt
To give your kids a better future not a shoe and a shirt
You're moving countries to a place where there is no one you know
Because the options where you come from is low
You didn't know that that degree you got from uni in this country is void
You only get a visa when you've got a job and employed
You're left alone so now you're lonely
No degree so you're a phoney
In this country all you built was destroyed
So as a job you're now a cleaner
Scrubbing toilets but you study at night
You wear your suit to clean the toilet despite
All the kids and teachers laughing at you thinking that you're crazy in here
It's only you that sees the vision you see
You're going home and when you sleep is in a zone they call a council estate
A couple nights it's gun shots or a fight
They're tryna tell you that you're nothing but a cleaner in a council estate
But when you look you see a doctor in sight
You finish uni do the tests in flying colours get
Another degree
Once a cleaner now a doctor they see
You get a job that makes it easy putting money on a house of your own
And bring the rest of all your family to see
You made a promise to your kids
You said they'll never have to struggle like you
And now they're settled living over the sea
And now they're grown you tell a story of your life and all the things that you've seen
And their ease it's hard for them to agree
You ask the question
What's the price you gotta pay when you were born in the dirt
The only things your parents gave you was a shoe and a shirt