Close But No Cigar

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Weird Al Yankovic

Alfred Matthew "Weird Al" Yankovic (born October 23, 1959) is an American singer-songwriter, music producer, accordionist, actor, comedian, writer, satirist, and parodist. Yankovic is known for his humorous songs that make light of popular culture and that often parody specific songs by contemporary musical acts. Since his first-aired comedy song in 1976, he has sold more than 12 million albums (as of 2007), recorded more than 150 parody and original songs, and has performed more than 1,000 live shows. His works have earned him three Grammy Awards among nine nominations, four gold records, and six platinum records in the United States. Yankovic's first top ten Billboard album (Straight Outta Lynwood) and single ("White & Nerdy") were both released in 2006… more »


Year:
2006
53 Views

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Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same

And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way

Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why

And I told her, I said
Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
But no cigar!

Then I met sweet young Janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanjero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate

And I was crazy like Manson about her
She got me all choked up like Mama Cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass

I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soul mate finally
But one day I found out she actually owned a copy
Of Joe dirt on DVD

Oh, no! I said
Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
Oh, so very close! (Close!)
Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!

Oh, yeah!
Oh, no!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, no!
Hurray!

Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a Buddy Rich solo

And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to number one on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionaire
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist

Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big

I said
Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
So very, very close! (Close!)
Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!

Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)
Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)
Really, really, really close!
But no cigar!

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Written by: LEE BRILLEAUX, PHILIP HENRY MITCHELL, KEVIN JOHN MORRIS, GORDON RUSSELL, LAWRENCE WALLIS

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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