Here's Your Sign Christmas [Video][*][Multimedia Track]

Bill EngvallBill Engvall 

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Bill Engvall

William Ray Engvall Jr. (born July 27, 1957) is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit, and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group. more »

Year:

1999

89 Views

Playlists:

#2

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I just hate stupid people. 
They should have to wear signs that just say I'm stupid. 
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? 
You wouldn't ask them anything. 
It would be like, "Excuse me, oops, never mind" 
"I didn't see your sign." 

It's like before my wife 
And I moved from Texas to California our house was full 
Of boxes and there was a you-Haul truck in our driveway. 
My friend comes over and says, "Hey, You moving?" 

"Nope." 
"We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week. 
Just to see how many boxes it takes." 

"Here's your sign." 
Why can't they get the picture? 
Why don't they understand? 
We're not dealing with the planet of apes, 
We're talking about the modern man. 
So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds
Here's your sign. 
Here's your sign. 

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, 
We pulled his boat into the dock, 
I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass this idiot on the dock goes, 
"Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" 

Nope. 
"Talked 'em into giving up." 
"Here's your sign." 
I was out in the front yard with my boy the other day and he was 
Playing with his little friend, 
And he hit his friend and I went up to him 
And I said "Hey, (smacks his boy), we don't hit." 
He looked up at me like, "Here's your sign, dad." 

Why can't they get the picture? 
Why don't they understand? 
We're not dealing with the planet of apes, 
We're talking about the modern man. 
So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds
Here's your sign. 
Here's your sign. 

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel, 
There was a guy 
Inventing a shark bite suit. 
There's only one way to test that. 
"Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, 
It looks good
They want you to jump 
Into this pool of sharks, 
And you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." 

"Well alright, hold my sign, I don't want to loose it" 
Why can't they get the picture? 
Why don't they understand? 
We're not dealing with the planet of apes, 
We're talking about the modern man. 
So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds
Here's your sign. 
Here's your sign. 

Last time I was home I was driving around I had a flat tire, 
I pulled my truck into one 
Of these side-of-the-road gas stations, 
The attendant walks out, looks 
At my truck, looks at me, I swear to GOD he went, 
"Tire go flat?" 

I couldn't resist. 
I said "Nope". 
"No I was driving around 
And those other three just swelled right up on me." 

"Here's your sign." 
Why can't they get the picture? 
Why don't they understand? 
We're not dealing with the planet of apes, 
We're talking about the modern man. 
So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds
People with them little bitty teenie weenie tiny monds
Here's your sign. 

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago, 
A guy come over to the house, drove the 
Car around for about 45 minutes. 
We get back to the house, he gets out 
Of the car, reaches down 
And grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "Damn that's hot!" 

See
If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

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