Everyone's a Little Bit Racist
PRINCETON Say, Kate, can I ask you a question? KATE MONSTER Sure! PRINCETON Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs? KATE MONSTER Uh huh! PRINCETON Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster. KATE MONSTER Right. PRINCETON You're both Monsters. KATE MONSTER Yeah. PRINCETON Are you two related? KATE MONSTER What! Princeton I'm surprised at you! I find that racist! PRINCETON Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking. KATE MONSTER Well, it's a touchy subject. Now, now all Monsters are related. What are you trying to say, huh? -- That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh? PRINCETON No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist. KATE MONSTER I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're Talking about the sensitive subject of race. PRINCETON Well, look who's talking! KATE MONSTER What do you mean? PRINCETON What about that special Monster School you told me about? KATE MONSTER What about it? PRINCETON Could someone like me go there? KATE MONSTER No, we don't want people like you -- PRINCETON You see?! (sung) You're a little bit racist. KATE MONSTER Well, you're a little bit, too. PRINCETON I guess we're both a little bit racist. KATE MONSTER Admitting it is not an easy thing to do... PRINCETON But I guess it's true KATE MONSTER Between me and you, I think BOTH Everyone's a little bit Racist, sometimes. Doesn't mean we go around committing Hate crimes. Look around and You will find, No one's really Color-blind. Maybe it's a fact We all should face. Everyone makes Judgments... Based on race. (spoken) PRINCETON Not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from -- KATE MONSTER No! PRINCETON No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys Should learn to speak goddamn English! KATE MONSTER Right! (sung) BOTH Everyone's a little Bit racist -- today, So, everyone's a little Big racist -- okay! Ethnic jokes might Be uncouth, But you laugh because They're based on truth. Don't take them as Personal attacks. Everyone enjoys them -- So relax! (spoken) PRINCETON All right, stop me if you've heard this one. There's a plane going down and there's only one parachute. And there's a rabbi, a priest... KATE MONSTER ... and a BLACK guy! GARY COLEMAN Whatchoo talkin' about Kate? KATE MONSTER Uh -- GARY COLEMAN You were telling a BLACK joke! PRINCETON Well, sure, Gary, but lost of people tell black jokes... GARY COLEMAN I don't. PRINCETON Well, of course you don't -- you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right? GARY COLEMAN Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks! PRINCETON Don't you think that's a little racist? GARY COLEMAN Well, damn, I guess you're right. (sung) KATE MONSTER You're a little bit racist. GARY COLEMAN Well, you're a little bit, too. PRINCETON We're all a little bit racist. GARY COLEMAN I think that I would have to agree with you. PRINCETON & KATE MONSTER We're glad you do. GARY COLEMAN It's sad, but true! Everyone's a little bit racist -- all right! Bigotry has never been exclusively white -- ALL If we all could Just admit That we are racist A little bit, Even though we all Know that it's wrong, Maybe it would help Us get along! (spoken) PRINCETON Christ, do I feel good! GARY COLEMAN Now there was a fine upstanding black man! PRINCETON Who? GARY COLEMAN Jesus Christ! KATE MONSTER But Gary, Jesus was white! GARY COLEMAN No, Jesus was black. KATE MONSTER No, Jesus was white! GARY COLEMAN No, I'm pretty sure Jesus was black! PRINCETON Guys -- Jesus was Jewish! BRIAN Hey guys, what are you laughing about? GARY COLEMAN Racism! BRIAN Cool. CHRISTMAS EVE Brian! You come back here! You take out lecycuraburs! PRINCETON What's that mean? BRIAN Um. Recyclables. (Everyone laughs) Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak? KATE MONSTER Oh, come off it, Brian! (sung) Everyone's a little bit racist. BRIAN I'm not! PRINCETON Oh, no? BRIAN Nope! How many oriental wives have you got? CHRISTMAS EVE What? Brian! PRINCETON Brian, buddy, Where you been? The term is Asian-American! CHRISTMAS EVE I know you are No intending to be, But calling me Oriental -- offensive to me! (spoken) BRIAN I'm sorry honey, I love you. CHRISTMAS EVE And I love you. BRIAN But you're racist, too. CHRISTMAS EVE Yes, I know. (sung) The Jews have all The money And the whites have All the power And I'm always in Taxi-cab with driver Who no shower! PRINCETON Me too! KATE MONSTER Me too! GARY COLEMAN I can't even get a taxi! ALL Everyone's a little bit Racist, it's true. But everyone is just about As racist as you! If we all could just admit That we are racist a little bit, And everyone Stopped being so P.C., Maybe we could Live in -- harmony! CHRISTMAS EVE Ev'lyone's a ritter bit lacist!
Discuss the Everyone's a Little Bit Racist Lyrics with the community:
Use the citation below to add these lyrics to your bibliography:
"Everyone's a Little Bit Racist Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 28 May 2022. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/6594147/John+Tartaglia/Everyone%27s+a+Little+Bit+Racist>.