Token of My Affection

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You'd think after all these years of being clean I'd get my feelings back
Right? So why it don't feel like that
It's like God built my heart with a shield attached
Shawty always wanna argue, I can't deal with that
So instead of facing my problems, I walk away
And I leave the relationship in an awkward way
I used to talk about rape like it was funny
And then they raped the woman that was close to me
Now I listen to those tracks and I can't believe
That a younger me could lack such compassion and empathy
And I would probably give a kidney
Just for my female fans they could forgive me
The younger me would probably think I was soft
But I look back at them days and I know I was lost, uh
Living life without a care in the world
So, how could I ever care 'bout a girl?
When I couldn't even care for myself
Tryna numb the pain, taking every drug on the shelf
How could you forgive me when I can't forgive myself? Uh
Thank you for your patience
All these years clean and I'm still isolating
I'm sorry I kept you waiting
Shit, f*ck, run that back, uh

This a token of my affection
Wrote these thoughts down on this paper while you were resting
As you get older, your life takes a direction
When it comes to my love, know there's never a question, uh
This is a token of my affection
When you staring in the mirror, don't recognize your reflection
Just know you gonna be great like you always been destined
Keep me by your side you'll never need no protection

A little girl is waking up this morning going to her stepfather that touched her last night
And she gotta smile in front of her mother, sister and her brother
Just like everything is alright when it's not
Baby girl, I wish I was there to make you special
I wish I was there to make him respect you
But overall I wish I could jump to that kitchen table
Sit right next to you and protect you
Just know half of the kids at school are going through the same thing
And it's not your fault, so you can blame him
He's gonna get whats coming to him
'Cause karma catches up with everyone and it knows what he's doing
How could you selfishly ruin a life and diminish it?
There's nothing more precious than a child's innocence
All the issues that stem from mental imprisonment
How could you stand yourself and live with it?
I promise you, if I ever catch him I'm a motherfuckin' finish him
Come here, nigga
No, no, I promise, no, I prom— I promise!
This is a token of my affection
Keep me by your side you'll never need no protection
I'm here to make right what is destined
I love you

You even remember half the shit?
How'd it start?
I'ma, I'ma go back
I'ma go back to where
Hey, hello
Ay, we're doin' a skit here
Relax, relax, lady
I'ma go back to where
A mutual friend of ours
I gave him a CD
That's way back
That's like
Niggas don't even know
Well, we'll get to that
That's right
We'll get to that
Eight years ago, right?
Yes, and I remember it had two fire beats
One of them is Ebonics
That we used just now
Hundred percent
And the other one is Bang, Bang, Bidat that I did on Planet of the Apes shit
Hundred percent
But I was like, yo, the shit is on a CD
Hundred percent
Like, I need it in email
It was like, yo, Frank don't email
He only give you beat CDs
I'm like, yo, what the f*ck is that, man?
Aight, so then that happened
Sittin' on those beats for mad long
The Ebonics beat I sent to Necro to try to get on
Word, I remember, I remember hearin' through the 
grapevine that you were gonna try and get a couple people on that
I had even sent it to Immortal Technique, I'm not sure
But that was my, that's who I had in mind
But so, how did the album come about?
Aight, so check it out, this is how it came about
I had the shit with MTV
You know what I'm sayin'?
So, boom, I had the deal with MTV
And they wanted me to get
They wanted me to get a cast
So I went
I had the show
I had the show, but poli-tricks, you know what I'm sayin'?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
So long story short
Short story long
What happened was
Is um, I'm like, okay
I picked, I picked out of, I already picked out two people
And I'm like, I need Nems
So, boom, so I hit you up, I'm like, "Yo, I got this situation goin' on"
Blazay-blah, you really didn't believe me at first
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You know what I'm sayin'?
'Cause mad niggas come like, "I got this goin' on
I got this TV show about to come out, niggas is lyin'"
I remember son, I told y'all
Then you put me in contact with the nigga Ryan
Right, right right
Then I was like, "This nigga real"
And you was like, you was like
"I got a TV show too, nigga, Gorilla TV on YouTube"
And I was like, I was like, "Aight, no doubt, no doubt"
You know what I'm sayin'?
I was like, "Lemme just get my man a call 'em" and then he get that conference call goin' on
And, and then he'll see what it is
So boom
So that went down, right
Okay, then what happened was like
We linked up, we linked up and I was in Crown Heights, I was livin' in Crown Heights
I was over there on Pacific between Ocean and New York
Boom, like, yo
We had to do the, the conference call
It was them MTV niggas
Yeah, yeah, yeah
So you was like, boom
I'ma come through
I'ma come through and we gonna, we gon'
we gonna build on what we gonna do, you know what I'm sayin'?
Or how we gonna work this out when we talk to these people
So boom, we was buildin'
We was just shootin' the shit, you know what I mean?
And then you was like, "Yo, you know what would be ill?"
And I was like, "What's that?"
You was like, "Yo, your beats and my bars"
And I was like, yo, I was like, son, like, yo
I was like, "Yo, that's a, that's a great idea, bro"
I was like, that's a
'Cause originally I had in mind, I was like
Yo, we do like five, six joints
I figured the TV show was gonna come out
Right, right, right
We could drop it at the same time
Do a tour, all of that
'Cause, yo, on the strength
On the strength
A hundred, a hundred, a hundred percent, a hundred percent
True story
I was, I was thinkin' like
Yo, if anything, man, like
I gotta do an album for Nems
You know what I'm sayin'?
Like, for real, I was like
This shit just happened organically, like
That, like
What I mean
What happened was
Was, aight, aight
Time passes, right
And you gave me a CD with mad beats
Nah, but time had passed and you kept
Hey, yo, hit me, these fucking beats
Yeah, 'cause we was also
And then the show
Then you sent me mad beats
And I was like, yo
What am I gonna do with a fuckin' CD of beats, nigga?
It's twenty, it mighta been twenty, sixteen, twenty-seven
Right, right
Yo, what am I gonna do with a CD full of beats, nigga?
My car don't even got a CD player
I don't got a CD player in my crib
Like, it was
I was like, yo
You gotta find a way to email me these beats 'cause I can't go to the studio with these fuckin'
With a CD and record over 'em
That's unprofessional
That's it
Then it took, like, a couple months
Then you finally got the beats to me through email
Right, right, right, right, right
And I just started goin' through 'em like boom
Then, then the first joint I did was the Timb boots shit
Boots upside of your head
That was the first one, but once I did that I was like
Yo, this joint is stupid hard, everybody I played it for was like
Yo, this shit is crazy
Know what I'm sayin'?
So from that point, fuckin', like
I just started doin' joints then you just started sendin' me more joints through the email
Finally you caught up with the times, and then
Yo, and then it moved from five or six songs, shit
Nah, nah, it wasn't even that
I hit you with ten joints at first
Yeah, yeah
And I swear I think you picked like seven
'Cause I was like, I was, I was like
Yo, I'ma, I was like
I'm goin' to the, to of the top of the line
And I'm just gonna throw Nems on the top of the line
You know what I mean?
Then boom, boom, in the end it was like
You was like
Yo, 'cause I also was recordin' an album
I was recordin' my alpha album
I had like, couple songs done
And I was like, yo lemme just bang this out real quick
It's gonna be like six joints, we're gonna do it mad quick
And then you just kept sendin' me fire and I was like
Yo, aight, now I gotta do this
Then that happened to be ten joints
And then eleven, you know what I'm sayin'
Then I just was like
Then the show is a wrap, you know what I'm sayin'?
The show is a wrap and I already was like
Yo, you know
Now I'm just fuckin' stuck with this loser
No, but, I was like, yo
This shit is fire, know what I'm sayin'?
Like, these shits is fire
It became a main priority
'Cause in the meantime, did Gahbage and once I did Gahbage and I started performin' it
I was like, yo, God
That's it
No matter where I go I perform that shit
Everyone's like, yo, where is it? Where can I get it?
And I was like, it ain't out yet, chill, fall back
You can't get this shit
Yo, I been to certain places and
You know me, you know, me havin' a little name
Know what I'm sayin'?
Know me
But just havin' a
Those that know
I remember I was in
I was chillin' one night, you was havin' dinner somewhere
And I was with my man and he
He hit up
He hit up some of his peoples
And they came through and you was like
Yo, this the dude that did Gahbage
And they was like
Word? You did that?
You know what I'm sayin'?
And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's me
You know what I mean?
So I was like
That's when I was like
And then
Every time I see the footage of you performin' it
And I'm like
Yo, that's the joint, that's the joint right there
I was like
And then I started doin' some real joints on there
I'm just like, yo
This shit, this is it right here
Then now the shit is finished and the shit is
Shit is next level, nigga
Yeah, nah, this, this album
This is like
Aight, you know what I'm sayin'?
I been puttin'
This is probably my
This is
This is gonna be my first
You know, joint that I get to do
With a rapper
'Cause, you know
I'm, I, um
See, you see how, you see what I'm talkin' about?
You know what I'm sayin'?
Um, this is gonna be the first joint I do with like
You know, a rap I did the beat tapes and all of that
But this right here, this is like somethin' really special, man
And it's Brooklyn, too
You know what I'm sayin'?
That is Brooklyn, know what I'm sayin'?
Big time Brooklyn
You know what I'm sayin'?
And it's Brooklyn, too, you know what I mean?
That alone, this is real special to me
Hundred percent
Know what I mean? It's just really special to me
That's a fact
And it's like, I've given people beats before
You feel me?
And usually, bro, like, nine times, nine and a half times out of ten I'm like
Nah, I take the shit back
My word to you
Every time you brought, you sent me back
I was like
You knew the, you knew the time signatures
You knew like, when to come in, you knew what the chorus was
'Cause I give somebody a beat, right?
I give somebody a beat
And they be rhymin' over the chorus
I'm like, how you don't know that's the chorus
Niggas don't even know that either, because
You sent me the joints done already, like
They wasn't tracked out
What you sent me was basically like I had it on the CD
So what I had to do is I had to figure out aight
This part is for the chorus, oh, this got a drop right here
Alright, I'm gonna say some ill shit right here so it drops out
So I had to write my rhymes around the beats
Niggas take the beats and make the beats around the rhymes
I did it the opposite way and wrote my rhymes to how the beat was, you know what I'm sayin'?
So if this beat had fuckin', eighteen bars and then the chorus
I had to write eighteen bars and then the chorus
And then I just feel like
You know, it got, it sounds grimy 'cause it's supposed to
You hear the hisses in it, like it's bein' played on a tape
'Cause it's supposed to
Know what I'm sayin'?
All the samples that I chose outta the samples that have been done on other songs 
'cause you freaked it better than the original song, but it's also like
Payin' homage to us growin' up and the classic joints that was growin' up, like
You know what I'm sayin'
And the thing is, what's crazy is, it just happened like that
Hundred percent
It wasn't meant to be like that
We wasn't like, yo
We gonna, uh, aight, this, like, aight, we gonna
We're gonna do like a throwback
We're gonna do like a tribute-type
Nah, bro
This shit just happened
You know what I'm sayin'?
This wasn't like
We didn't premeditate it, you know what I'm sayin'?
Like, this shit just happened
I think, I think, I think that's because
Both of us, you're a student of the game
On the beatmakin' side, I'm a student of the game
Just music, not even you on the beat
A full student like both of us are true students of the game
And I feel like
That just made like, my style is not attributed to one rapper
Like some niggas don't never leave the house and they whole style sounds like Jay-Z
Know what I'm sayin'?
'Cause they just listen to Jay-Z
They come outside, that's all they rap about
'Cause they never did nothin'
We from New York, more importantly, Brooklyn
And, and we from the era where you had to be outside to get your name up, like
We couldn't just spit no freestyles
No internet
No internet
You had to be outside, like
You had to be outside to get your name up
You had to take the train
You had to get on
You had to get on the train, man
All types of shit
Had to go to the city
That shit was just like, yo
We, we
The shit is like, uh
An homage, homage, however you wanna say it to New York City
Know what I'm sayin'
I mean, without bein' said because you could hear it
Hundred percent
Without like, without, without even sayin' that
Like you could hear that
From, from the vocals to the beats to the accent, the whole shit
The whole shit
You know what I'm sayin'?
You know, you got
We show you what, we show you
It's the sound of what we come from
You know what I mean?
And not for nothin', this shit is phat
Full circle
This is
Thank you, yo, Nems, I was just gonna say that
This shit came back full circle, man
Niggas is tired of that fuckin'
That bullshit
And I ain't even gonna say that mumble shit
'Cause it goes way beyond that, before that
Hundred percent
And this bullshit after it
And it came back full circle, man
So what we, what we do naturally
Is, is back in the forefront, man, you know what I mean?
So it's a beautiful thing
So we could drop this album now and
And, and
And not be like, damn
We wanna drop this and this shit might fuckin'
Might not pass through the cracks, it's gonna
You know
Like it's gonna be in the shadows of certain shit
Nah, because this shit came back full circle
My whole career, man, everything I been tryna do right
Yo, what up
It's good
What up, what up, what up
Good, baby
Right, right
That's my man Nems
That video's fire my G
Y'all did it right
Three in one? That's ill
Yeah, yeah
Gotta keep flippin' them original stories like that
Hundred percent
Word, word, that was dope
I was like, yeah
Yeah, that's a fact
Play that shit again
That's the whole point
Play that shit again
I watched that shit a couple of times

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Written by: Travis Doyle


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