A Mother's Confession
Our son is four months old his name is Anthony or Ash for short And he's too small to do things by himself We were in LA over Christmas in a rental and we jury-rigged a place To change his diapers on a shelf I was peeing in the bathroom and had left him for a second 'Cause I thought he couldn't move and he was safe As I came out I saw him falling in slow motion to the floor It was probably the worst moment of my life And then I accidentally stole a thing of chapstick from the safeway I didn't see it 'til I got out to the car I would have usually returned it but I was overwhelmed And late to take the baby to my cousins which was far away In my defense, I'd bought like $87 worth of groceries And the chapstick was a $1.99 I know it wasn't the right thing to use My newborn child as an excuse But it felt like a good reason at the time And as I pulled out of the parking lot I cried And as I pulled onto the highway I said right At least the baby didn't dieright? At least the baby didn't die" And then we went to Sarasota To see Neil's cousin Helen For her birthday she just turned ninety-nine We were also there for Sidney Who was ninety-four two days before But he was sick, so mostly it was Ash and Helen time She survived the Warsaw ghetto And she always says I love you" When she sees you 'cause she knows you never know She'd worked for months while I was pregnant On a gorgeous handmade blanket Her almost-hundred-year-old hands crocheting every row I'd been emailing her pictures of the baby and the blanket Every day since she had sent it in the mail But they were of one that someone else had knitted She was really nice about it Then I went and shoplifted a pair of ugly sunglasses From Goodwill (they were on my head I'd tried them on and left them there) But that's not really bad compared to When we left the baby in the car At least he wasn't in there very long And not directly in the sun And thank god no-one walking by happened to notice what we'd done I'm even scared to put these lyrics in a song But Everything is relative and everyone's related I can't do that much right now But take care of this baby I figure everything's technically all right If at least this baby doesn't die (I'd also like his dad alive so honeycareful when you drive) And then I took a plane to Washington alone So we could visit Jason Webley who's his godfather He's playing the accordion I couldn't wait to see him and share tales of our disasters Over dinners in his houseboat when I saw I'd lost my passport So I got a rush appointment at the place where you replace them And I drove the baby in and on the way I got a speeding ticket When the cop came to the window I was shaking and I said "I'm sorry" But you couldn't hear me that's how loud the sound of screaming was Cause he was hungry and I think that I was speeding Cause I panic when I hear him cry My god what kind of a mother am i And as I pulled out of the breakdown lane I cried And as I pulled out on the highway I said right At least the baby didn't die right? At least the baby didn't die" While I was waiting for my passport I was hungry so I twittered for a coffee in the neighborhood And there I saw a woman who was sitting at the bar And it was noon and she was drinking And she called across the diner to me How old is your baby?" And she smiled at us nursing And she said she had a daughter who was grown And then she paused And said she also had a son And when I'd paid and was about to leave I picked him up and crossed the room and touched her sleeve I said, Hey, this baby wanted to say hi" And she held him tight and she started to cry And I'm sorry that this story's gotten long And that everybody's crying in this song And then I got back in the car I turned the radio and heater on And sat there with the baby in the back And they were talking about Syria and climate change and ISIS And the candidates' positions on Iraq I feel so useless in this universe I know I could be doing worse I'm trying hard to stay at peace inside I know it's hard to be a parent But this mess is so gigantic i wonder if I should have had a child And as I pulled out of the parking lot I cried And as I pulled out on the highway I said right At least the baby didn't die At least the baby didn't die EVERYBODY: At least the baby didn't die!! right?! At least the baby didn't die!! (i may not make it to the passport place on time!) At least the baby didn't die (and they might revoke my license for a while!!) At least the baby didn't die (and I might get caught for retroactive theft!!) At least the baby didn't die (and I might get turned into the DSS!) But at least the baby didn't die"
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"A Mother's Confession Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 23 Jul 2021. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/36046991/Amanda+Palmer>.