First Redneck on the Internet

Cledus T. Judd Buy

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Cledus T. Judd

Barry Poole (born December 18, 1964, in Cartersville, Georgia) is an American country music artist who records under the name Cledus T. Judd. Known primarily for his parodies of popular country music songs, he has been called the "Weird Al" Yankovic of country music, and his albums are usually an equal mix of original comedy songs and parodies. Judd has released nine studio albums and two EPs, and several of their singles have entered the Billboard Hot Country Songs charts. His highest chart peak is the No. 48 "I Love NASCAR", a parody of Toby Keith's 2003 single "I Love This Bar”. Poole graduated from Cass High School in Cartersville, Georgia in 1982. more »


Year:
1998
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Well, Lordy, mercy, I's in a mess, 
My wife run off with my TV set,
Didn't bother me none that she had to go,
'Cept I's gonna miss all my TV shows. 

So I looked up to heaven, got down on my knees.
An' I cried, "Dear Lord, will you help me, please."
"I need a TV by tomorrow night,
"Cause Rick Flair's involved in a title fight."

Well I guess my tytheing finally paid off,
Cause early next mornin' shoulda seen what I saw.
Reached in my overhorse for my inhaler,
Cause there's a big brown box there, right in my trailer.

I used my truck keys, cut open the box,
I was hopin' for a Sony or a Magnavox.
I looked at the name and thought, "Oh my gosh!
"This must be a new one called Macintosh."

Well my last TV was a whole lot wider,
But this'n here come with its own typewriter.
It had all the letters from A to Z,
I guess you just type in what you wanna see.

Well I thought I punched up, "You done help,"
But the TV Screen said World Wide Web.
Then I broke out in a cold, cold sweat,
I's the first redneck on the internet.

He was the first red neck on the internet,
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat.
He went on line just one time,
And now they won't forget,
The first redneck on the internet.

It was all so new, I shoulda taken my time,
But I slammed that mouse up in four-wheel drive.
Last time I did so much pointin' and clickin'
I had a .22 rifle shootin' at chickens.

Then, all of a sudden it occurred to me,
The power I had with this fancy TV.
I could get back at my ex-wife,
With the touch of a button, I could ruin her life.

So I got the number off her Mastercard,
I bought a new lift kit and four new tires.
Then, I got on line to her bank account,
Went ahead and closed that sucker out.

I had her power and her water shut, slap, off.
The I sent an e-mail to her dead plain boss,
Lettin' him know that she told me,
She'd have his job by the end of the week.

He was the first red neck on the internet,
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat.
He went on line just one time,
And now they'll never forget, (Won't forget.)
The first redneck on the internet.

Now the moral of the story, as a matter of fact,
In a couple of days I got my TV back.
She said she'd like to come back, as well.
I told her to go straight to AOL.

Now, thank the Lord that the UPS,
For droppin' that box at Cledus' address.
If they ever wanna find him, it won't take long,
Type www.cledus.com

To reach the first red neck on the internet,
A bona fide, countrified, cyber-threat.
He went on line just one time,
And now they'll never forget, (Won't forget.)
He was the first red neck on the internet.
The first red neck on the internet. 

Hey Buck, p'preciate your help, you are the man.
World Wide Web, population four zillion. Cy hoot

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Written by: JIM BEAVERS, STEVEN BRETT BEAVERS, CLEDUS JUDD

Lyrics © WORDS & MUSIC A DIV OF BIG DEAL MUSIC LLC, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, TRAVELLERS HOLLOW MUSIC

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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