A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying

Bloodhound Gang

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Bloodhound Gang

Bloodhound Gang is a Collegeville, Pennsylvania-based American band, beginning as a rap group but gradually changing its genre throughout the years. Their songs typically have humorous and off-beat, satirical lyrics that often deal with sexual subjects and contain many puns and innuendos. more »


Year:
2000
327 Views
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I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert 
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love 
It had been a while
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went 
Since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons 
Through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips
Milky white skin and baby blue eyes
Name was Russell

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave"
This pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls 
Like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin' 
'Cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer" 
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern
And I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask 
As I do my little kooky dance
And then she told me to shush
I guess she could sense my desperation 
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ 
Is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole 
With a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something 
Resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" 
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later 
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean 
Got to nail her back at her trailer
Heh, that rhymes
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on 
When I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch 
Gave the tranny a spin and slid on into 
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop 
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb" 
When I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton
Well, my heart just dropped
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice 
And polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five 
In an eighteen-wheeler
I never thought missing children could be so sexy
Did I say that out loud?

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

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Written by: JAMES M. FRANKS

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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