Natalie's Rap

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The Lonely Island

The Lonely Island is an American comedy troupe composed of Akiva "Kiv" Schaffer, Jorma "Jorm" Taccone, and Andy Samberg, best known for their comedic music. Originally from Berkeley, California, the group is currently based in New York City. The group broke out due to their collective work from 2005–2011 on Saturday Night Live. Samberg and Schaffer continue to work at the show, with occasional input from Taccone, though Samberg announced at the end of the 37th season that he would not return to SNL. more »

We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.


So, Natalie, what's the day in life of Natalie Portman like?

Do you really want to know?

Yes, tell us

I don't sleep motherfucker
Off that yak and Durban
Doing 120 getting head while I'm swerving

[Seth Meyers] 
Damn Natalie you a crazy chick

Yo shut the fuck up and suck my dick
I bust in dudes mouth like gushers motherfucker
Roll up on NBC and smack the shit outta Jeff Zucker

(What you want Natalie)

To drink and fight

(what you need Natalie)

To fuck all night

Don't test when I'm crazy on that airplane glue
Put my foot down your throat
Till you shit in my shoe
Leave you screaming
Pay for my dry cleaning
Fuck your man
It's my name that he's screaming

I'm sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?

I never said I was a role model.

What about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?

All the kids looking up to me can suck my dick
It's Portman mother fucker
Drink till I'm sick
Slit your throat
And poor nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry
While I laugh you die
And all the dudes
You know I'm talking to you
(we love you Natalie)
I wanna fuck you too
P is for Portman
P is for pussy!
I'll kill your fucking dog for fun so don't push me

Well, Natalie I'm surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate.

Well there's a lot you may not know about me.

Really? Such as?

When I was in Harvard
I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test
And snorted all the yay
I gotta a def posse
And you gotta buncha dudes
I sit right down on your face and take a shit

[Andy Samberg]
Natalie you are a bad ass bitch (hell yeah!)
And I always pay for your dry cleaning
When my shit gets in your shoe (What!?)
As for the drug use
Well I can vouch for that
My dick is scared of you

Okie-doke. One final question, 
If you steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, 
Who would it

No more questions


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"Natalie's Rap Lyrics." STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 21 Sep. 2017. <>.

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