His Excellency Regrets
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Oh, tell us please Entirely confidentially How A.D.C.s Are trained in social grace. It's awfully brave Daily to be called upon to save His Excellency's face! Any explanations Of the duties of an A.D.C. Prove the complications That are rife at Government House. Certain situations We could never let a lady see, There are strange vibrations In the life at Government House. Truth is often sacrificed for reasons of diplomacy. That of course we understand But all the same it must be grand To be So suave, so calm, so dignified! If you knew what all that signified-we- Who break the Ninth Commandment every day Would hang our heads in shame and say Forgive-we have to live Officially on feet of clay. Every minute We're made to sin it Is really very depraved, But to Hell With the lies we tell, His Excellency's honour must be saved. His Excellency regrets That owing to an attack of Gout He really dare not venture out On Saturday to dine. His Excellency regrets That owing to doctor's orders he Cannot attend the Mission tea And also must decline Your kind invitation For Wednesday week. A slight operation And poor circulation Combined with a weedy physique Has made him unable to speak. All this in addition to what The Doctors describe as a ‘Clot' Which may disappear By the end of the year But may, very possibly, not! His Excellency regrets That owing to his exalted state He can no more associate With amiable brunettes. Walk up-walk up-we're willing to take your bets That that's one of the principal things His Excellency regrets! So now we know About the Diplomatic Corps, How it can so Corrupt the soul of youth. What happens if Some day you give the waiting world a whiff Of plain, unvarnished truth? His Excellency regrets That, failing a better alibi, He must admit he'd rather die Than open your Bazaar. His Excellency regrets That, lacking enough official scope, He can't disband the Band of Hope No matter where they are. He frankly despises The people he rules, His gorge also rises When giving the prizes At co-educational schools To rows of illiterate fools. And if you should write in the book He'll give you a murderous look. For it ruins his day To be taken away From his rod and his line and his hook! His Excellency regrets He hasn't enough to run the house Or pay the staff-or feed a mouse Upon the pay he gets Heigho-heigho-he's up to his ears in debts But that's one of the least of the things His Excellency regrets!
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"His Excellency Regrets Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 12 Apr. 2021. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/14685204/No%C3%ABl+Coward>.