Melancholy
Angela Solis
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"Sun don't shine Anytime I step outside my front door Did it fade out Or did I fade out" Depression How would I describe it You make me colorblind I've lost sight Of the colors within the rainbow Because you decided to strip Every bit of it And leave me with all of the blacks greys and whites My sky is no longer vibrant Because you decided that it would be right To make it achromatic and dull You make my bed Feel like I'm laying within a casket Constantly suffocating Gasping for air when it's already open Wondering if it's my time to leave for heaven Or fall into my descent After my decision of wrapping the bondage Around my neck And covering my wrists with bandages It's looking at a TV screen And reading the headline Of another news story About an underage human being Dying by suicide and instantly becoming jealous And questioning why it wasn't my time When I had attempted Twice It's a familiar yet toxic friend Who you know you shouldn't associate yourself with But you can't help it Because it has become a close shadow That you've grown so comfortable to know And the thought of ever saying no To the hands that have never let you go By the throat Only feels like a sin How ironic I guess you just become accustomed To the manipulative grip And second guess your worth Because at the end of the day, you take it It's an unwanted attachment That you can never admit to Because a double standard is in place When the topic of Mental Illness becomes mentioned It's a battle of having to deal with the repercussions Of societies ignorant stigmas Stemmed from the media Creating an unrealistic Expectation to act as if you're undiagnosed Or on any type of medication Because in their eyes, you're doing just fine You're expected to not ruin the mood in the room By deciding not to mention that you've had thoughts of wanting to die Because speaking your truth That becomes too selfish Depression It's sitting within your own conscious And contemplations in silence At the dinner table, or 3 AM at night Because everyone, including yourself Has now deemed your own mental health a burden Depression It's a double-ended blade Of debating on which one will cause me less pain To leave or to stay
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