Infirmities

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DeVans

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Once again you betrayed me!
Why why why are you so fixed on my demise!
Your multiple gender identities lack the ability
to align with my image of Divinity!
Why does my destiny…
feel stripped in the grips of your emptiness?!
Your description is not my definition!
What is true of me is not found in you!
May the Pages in my hands
have more weight than your mountains!
You got me surrounded!
but I'm counting on the Living Fountain
To immerse me with ounces of His counsel!
I’m working to drown you 
With a mouthful of the Gospel! 
Because you are my infirmities, 
You are not my authority! 

Festering. Festering inside of this body,
Trapped within the very essence of my being,
A chaos lies asleep.
Peacefully dormant yet
Creating dreams of torment, and 
Thoughts to pluck and strike
Every nerve connect to my brain,
These impulses are
Derived from lost affection
But manifested in wrong directions.
This is cursed chaos!
Lost between me discovering mentors
And numbing youthful splinters
Some interpretations of these infirmities invent this
Helpless victim who's been screwed with symptoms
And introductions not simple. 
As if every memory has been martyred by trauma
 Momma and Daddy never knew
And justification created a wall.
But actually, I’m a defensive sinful man
Ignorant of his portions and contributions.
My choice words and uncertain timing express
How I’ve been riding fantasy, candid scenes.
The victim I claim to be is revealed as the
Rampant unrepentant rebel dabbling
In mess he could never sweep up.
The reality is I’m a rugged wretched boy.
The chaos chose to be hidden
But I should be exposing it!
Yet I’m driven by anger, castrated hope.
Check this rope around my Adam's apple
its Grappled by the coming pain
If my Brain was drained and my body was not raised,
I would trade godly affection
For more accessible images
Demonstrating candid scenes; that fantasy.
Ecstasy that is viral pleasure
Plastered behind screens
Of portable electronic boxes.
But that’s counterfeit. Fake love. If I bend to it, I’m lost.
An empty spirit filled with chaos
This chaos is festering. Festering inside of me
Unforsaken within the body
When it awakes from its sleep
Full and abundant, it just torments me
And tears me alive. 
If I bend to it…
I believe the lies
That I am my infirmities. 
…I believe the lies
I am my infirmities. 
…I believe the lies
That I am my infirmities. 
…I believe the lies
That I am my infirmities. 
Why are you so fixed on my demise?

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