Dolly's Interlude

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Dolly Dirtbag

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The dirtbag comes to me at night
A slick black hide inches towards me
An eye opens--huge, bulging, yellow
And in the face of it I feel acutely, painfully, the shape of my arms and legs curled Sideways on the bed
But then it wraps around me, circling its body to fit mine
And the slime dissolves whatever I had painted myself with

Dolly would always say
That will be me
She is not my friend but a demon who possessed me
The barbie in the computer game I dressed up in red and called Satan
I wanted to grow like a different plant into her
Enough leaves to hide my lumpy middle
But she is fickle, without an audience she gets bored of me
And then I have to wait

I get so angry
Alone in my house what is the point of these painted nails?
I am not doing enough, not good enough to do enough
My stomach shrinks until everything tastes like cardboard
I am convinced there is a parasite inside me
Sucking me in, consuming me from the inside out
And her name could only be Dolly.

On a silver chain around her neck is a heart-shaped diamond
A diamond which is really a dump
A trash can for all our fantasies
Which it swallows and shits back out in every direction
I want to be in it digesting
Floating in stomach acid and becoming every dream at once
I want to be everyone at once
I want to be everyone at once
I want to be everyone at once

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