Can't Can't Sleep

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Faithful Johannes

3:42

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I can't can't sleep
Oh this mattress got the best of me
I'm stressed inventing problems
And self-assigning enemies
Worrying about shutter speeds
Flashbulbs and where to stand
My shaky hands
Framing shots and changing lenses that I've rented
The steep-banked seats
Searching for her face in the crowd
Wait
What?
Every face is her face
I'm presented with 13,000 duplicated exes
Wake in a sweat and press snooze.

Lie on my back
Lie on my side
Lie like an X checking the box of the bed
I sleep on a ridge between
Mine and Jean's ghosts
They've both left their imprints
Hers is the shallower

I believe I still smell a trace
Of her scent on the pillow
Switched our detergent brand
Cos of the rash on her hands
Still use the same suds
Same toothpaste
The same blue paint
To your taste's on our bedroom wall
The wine weighs heavy on my head
It knocked me out til two-oh-five
And I've been restless since then
In another dimension
Spinning a rollerdex
Of made up mistakes and
Improbable problems

Lie on my back
Lie on my side
Lie like an X checking the box of the bed
I sleep on a ridge between
Mine and Jean's ghosts
They've both left their imprints
Hers is the shallower

Chips in my bones
Groans from my hips
Lips dry and chapped
Clapped out, I backed out
Of the challenges
Failed like my marriage is
Slipped
No balance
Now its two AM terrors
Missteps and errors
Call back her smells and grace
For comfort
My numb foot pulses
A warning of something?
Or could just be the
Chips in my bones
My mistakes
Taking control
I feel old for the first time
Been tricking myself a long time

Lie on my back
Lie on my side
Lie like an X checking the box of the bed
I sleep on a ridge between
Mine and Jean's ghosts
They've both left their imprints
But Hers is the shallower

Stretch out my legs
Arch my back and feet
Get up pace the room
The fog dissipates a bit
I've got aches in between my shoulders
And I've just never found closure

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