P.T.S.D. (feat. Ritual of Ether)

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Jrumma

3:20

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Yo, I keep waking up in these cold sweats
Look around I see no threats 
But the memories I can't forget 
So I check my phone and smoke cigarettes til I calm down 
Close my eyes and take slow breaths 
Hide it all from my small town with my biggest smile when I'm so distressed 
(Post traumatic stress)
Let me go, release the grip that you hold 
I just want to feel at peace in my home 
Hard to advocate mental health whenever I still battle my inner self 
Flash back to my darkest hour
Harping on it all morning hours 
Finally got this shit off of my mind
And I'm good til it snaps back shortly after
I can feel the world stop turning 
Want to call in but I can't stop working
Truth is I'm a popular person 
If I turn my phone off then they'll start to worry 
One thing that I really know's for certain fam 
I need help and I'm tired of hurting 
I'll keep fighting I know it's worth it 
Promise, I would never die on purpose 
'Cause I'm not suicidal
Some days I don't want to be alive though 
My kinfolk telling me to read the Bible and my fake friends telling me 
"You'll be alright, bro"
Getting drunk before every show 
And I'm fucking up my words like a typo, I might go
Back to sleep with my lights, or go write songs with my knife drawn 

P,  I'm paranoid it's probably all in my head 
T, The therapist will tell you take all your meds 
S,  Still shaking from the pain and stress
D, Deep cuts we dealing with til we're dead, we bled

There's blood on the walls
I'm insecure
Don't leave without me, I swear
I'm insecure

Got the door locked with a pad-lock and the chain hooked with a clamp on
Got the shades pulled if you knock knock then I peek out with a handgun
I've been looking over my shoulder since grade school then life happened
Had to stare death in the face too then life flashes
This is not a joke I'm too shook to shed a tear
Feel a shockwave then you look the end is near
Medication is a must got blunts and plenty beer
Sedation is a crutch been stuck for many years
You don't know what I been through you died I tried to go with you
Why you think I got issues 
I'm too broke to come fix you
Them walls closing in only my closest know my sins
Never sober hold a 5th and fall over like bowling pins
The worlds colder than polar winds from exposure you're slow and sick
And them doses get so intense let me show you what hopeless is
I see ghosts and I know I'm next at my shows I'm a fucking wreck
You don't know me we won't connect
Pay the toll or they come collect
Yeah 

P,  I'm paranoid it's probably all in my head 
T, The therapist will tell you take all your meds 
S,  Still shaking from the pain and stress
D, Deep cuts we dealing with til we're dead, we bled

There's blood on the walls
I'm insecure
Don't leave without me, I swear
I'm insecure 
There's blood on the walls
I'm insecure
Don't leave without me, I swear
I'm insecure
There's blood on the walls
Don't leave without me, I swear
I'm insecure 
P
T
S
D

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