Journal II

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Michael Ricciardi

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Still living in my head
At least I know I’m not dead
Still chasing all these dreams
But now I face reality
I’m still blocking the way
Walls are coming down slowly
Stopped my writing but not thinking
It’s time to grab the pen and start journaling
Yeah
I guess I really was a record
With my head left spinnin’ ‘round
Still living inside my head
But not letting it get me down
Tried my hardest to protect her
But she still left
'Fore I realized it was me
Who craved a safety net
Like dreams that I started but I never finished
In all the good I had a way of finding every blemish
Cause in a year nothing was the same
Yeah in a year nothing really had changed
Cause I’m still insecure in almost everything
But I’m working through it with a little bit of therapy
I quit my job and I started coaching
Teaching all these kids about God
But they're the ones who gave me meaning
Got depressed and fell really hard
Didn’t think I’d ever be able to fully restart
Took thirteen years but I got inked
Yeah just look at my arm and see the memory scars
Put a ring on her finger and got engaged
But it never ended up happening that way
I was just left to fall apart
Vowing to never again trust my heart
I guess that’s the part where it gets hard
Cause I’m holding onto anger in the dark
Staring at my ceiling thinking about what could’ve been
Instead of the places I’ve been going
Still living in my head
At least I know I’m not dead
Still chasing all these dreams
But now I face reality
I’m still blocking the way
Walls are coming down slowly
Stopped my writing but not thinking
It’s time to grab the pen and start journaling
Yeah
Instead of wallowing inside my self-pity
I took a pen and I wrote an album titled Burning
I took the heartbreak and I turned it into somethin’
Instead of watching my entire future be crumpled
I wish I could tell myself back then that
“This is not a life you’ve been living,
This is just a lie that you’ve been given,
They don’t care they’re just manipulatin'.”
But if I did that would I ruin the growth?
Would I still appreciate what matters most?
Or would I still be sitting right on the coast
Watching from the beach
The sandcastles washed out to sea
Waiting on a love that will never be?
Cause I know that she really didn’t love me
But looking back I can see the changing
To who I was back then
To who I am here standing
Cause who I was then was weak
Couldn’t get any sleep
Unable to break free
Trapped by anxiety
Insecure ‘bout all of me
Panicking daily
Right eye twitching
My words stuttering
Now I’m ‘bout to graduate
Catching up on some sleep
I can finally look past all the fog and see the tress
Still dealing with some demons
But I’ve been slowly healin’
Living in the moment
With the time I’ve been handed
It’s only been a year
But it’s been a long journey
I’m looking up with a smile these days
Also got a dope fish and I named him Reggie
It’s the little things in life that give the most meaning
Still living in my head
At least I know I’m not dead
Still chasing all these dreams
But now I face reality
I’m still blocking the way
Walls are coming down slowly
Here’s a letter to the old me
Never forget to keep journaling
Yeah

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