Honda Accord

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Not 30 days after I got sober
My parents were on me to sell my
Beat up 1987 Honda Accord
They were giving me
Their 1989 Toyota Camry station wagon
I told my mom I was overwhelmed
She relented and put up the ad herself
Next morning at 5:00 a.m.
My phone rings
Someone wants to buy it
I meet them outside
He says he wants to pay
$500 less than my dad had wanted
I tell him I'll have to ask my dad
He says, "Well, here's the money"
I take it and stumble for words
"You hold the money, I'll hold the keys"
He stretches out his hand and I comply
Then go wake up my dad
Dad doesn't agree
Of course the car is gone
Dad gets angry
I go to the boardwalk
Here I could go right
To Mike's house
To ask for some pot
Or left
To I don't know where
I don't know what
I look up
That's where god's supposed to be
Something pulls me to the right
I see a homeless person
I look up again
And find myself giving him
The few dollars in my pocket
The spire of American Martyrs catches my eye
And god pulls me there
I don't have any more money
To leave a donation when I light a candle
(Not that I ever have before)
I feel bad (about the donation)
And beside myself with rage at my dad
Doesn't he know how fragile I am
And it's all because of him
But I look at the candle
I look at the candle
And peace rolls over me
Connects me to everything
The whole universe
And a disembodied voice says
"God sold your car"
I break into tears
I cried for so long
24 year of pressure releasing
I look at the candle
I look at the candle
And as I'm walking home
A line of poetry comes to me:
"I searched oh so long
For the middle
Of the road
I was never on"

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