Faking It
Sam Nabi
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The angels are scared of me Diego Rivera, we’re painting the town red This is therapy If you care to see heresy, share in my frequency Recently it has been hard to breathe easily Cards that you’re dealing me Flip up my hand to reveal them, I read and weep Back in the day, you know Jesus would speak to me I found relief and the words came so easily Worry released at the feet of a deity Greeting me like a believer The key to salvation was free to me — So why did I leave? I don’t have a good answer Somewhere between speaking tongues And leaving the spirit behind like a phantom At some point I knew I had left God in the pew Faking it felt fine ‘Til my faith faded I figure I’ll take my chances Save your answers I remember the night I got saved At a prayer circle in the basement They said, “Close your eyes — if you died tonight Would you make it to heaven?” Breath caught in my chest, I confessed And they sent me away with a new Bible Wrote the date on the first page: In the beginning Signed it and sealed my fate Conversion complete, some of the boys and I Snuck a peek at nude models in magazines Peer pressure up against purity Pre-teen masculinity was new to me Consuming fire, fan into shame In the secret, in the quiet I wait How will my fate play out? None but the power of grace remains So I pull a Pascal, playing it safe Faking it felt fine ‘Til my faith faded I figure I’ll take my chances Save your answers I came of age in a church at the top of a hill So we could look down on the city The key to salvation was a bigger building So said the fundraising committee They put a cellphone tower in the steeple I’d say that’s a higher calling Open the door and here are the people Saying, “I call on Jesus to heal the deceitful!” Money’s the root of all evil So lay down your burden, now you can sleep well Always felt uneasy around those deep pockets But the music was good so I swallowed my awkward That’s how I got my start singing Ringing in altar calls to redeem the sinning I threw away all of my secular CDs To keep my mind pure for the blessings God’s bringing If all of the point of this sacrifice Is to elbow your way to the afterlife And one little unrepented sin does you in So you won’t pass your last rites Well, that’s a little much for me I’ma do right while I have life, but don’t hustle me I don’t recall the last time I prayed But I think I’m done trying to ask nice This year for lent, I gave up trying to repent Rather than cut off my hand I’m done with pruning my branches We’re all fallen, can’t you leave it at that? I’m lukewarm, can’t get deeper than that It’ll take a long time to make peace with my past I’m done with disciples conspiring to save me I’ll throw out the bathwater and the baby
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"Faking It Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Apr. 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/4706190/Sam+Nabi/Faking+It>.
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