Fine the Way It Is

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Gambit

A gambit (from ancient Italian gambetto, meaning "to trip") is a chess opening in which a player sacrifices material with the aim of achieving a subsequent positional advantage. The word "gambit" is also sometimes used to describe similar tactics used by politicians or business people in a struggle with rivals in their respective fields, for example "The early election was a risky gambit by Theresa May". more »

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It seems the Ritalin wasn't effective as I'd guessed it was 
Focus ain't a great exchange for straight up anorexia 
See I love ingesting vegetables, breakfast and Lexapro 
Too sad for my appetite, have half a bite I'm ready to go 
I never could know leveling those friendly ole chemicals so 
Would leave me feeling shaken, complacent with bones that never can grow 
Taste it, every regret displaced it softly 
Pouring all of my problems into a goblet of coffee 
Raw coughing and sneezing into my sleeve and wiping it off me 
Awfully tired at all times regardless how long I got sleep
What's wrong with me? I wanna be done with healing 
But really when food's in front of me something is just so unappealing 
The gut of my stomach squealing, I'm reeling in suffering from the feeling 
But shoveling something to munch is such a much tougher ordeal then 
Sealed in a body that barely can pull off living 
They tell me "well it's a temple" but seldom receives an offering
Alternating the knees I've been falling upon, I'm faltering 
But after all I haven't the gall or guts to start to alter things 
Nutrition can be a bitch working shifts in the kitchen 
Dishing out different dishes bewitched by the shit you're missing 
I stare over there at the fridge thinking maybe there's something different within it 
Intrepidly gripping the handle, it is so bland I figure I'll give in and quit it 
Sick of this wicked addiction, what was delicious transitioned into a bitter prescription 
Thirty milligrams, no dirty dishes 

Forever I may exist making sense of this pain within 
And although it might be that I think I'm dying, it's fine the way it is 
Remembering when life was vibrant, the shades of grey persist 
Either way I would decide to describe it as fine the way it is 
Forever I may exist making sense of this pain within 
And although it might be that I think I'm dying, it's fine the way it is 
Remembering when life was vibrant, the shades of grey persist 
Either way I'd be inclined to describe it as fine the way it is 
Forever I may exist making sense of this pain within 
And although it might be that I think I'm dying, it's fine the way it is 
Remembering when life was vibrant, the shades of grey persist 
Either way I would've lied and described it as fine the way it is 

So what's the fussing about? Hoping I'm growing the muscle men out 
But choosing the other route, snoozing and pouting, refusing inducing a gluttonous mouth
Want to be studded but don't got the stomach to shovel the crud right upon it 
Pumpkin you're not gonna leave this fucking house until you have eaten your Brussels sprouts 
Stomach ruptured, I muster the gumption to scrunch up my face
And engage in consumption of something scrumptious and sumptuous 
A munchkin, shrunken and wondering what's in his lunches 
Hunched over alone, his rumbling tummy devouring bupkis 
F*ck it, this isn't fun but son the misery really ain't shit now 
Jocks be rocking them guns, but I be the one who's whipping them twigs out 
Like suns out ribs out, ancient lunch lady purveying and ladling gravy 
Over filleted human babies paired with rabies in pig snout 
Delicious, stuck in a vicious cycle living the life 
Revisiting visions of clinical intervention, internment in a prison of mine 
Shit if the shivering wasn't a sign, I could've pretended I really was fine 
Instead of indefinitely switching different prescriptions every minute down the line 
I must attest these meds are the best for the deficit 
Like yes I'm focused, but on my restlessness and self-neglect from it 
But hey, penmanship's excellent, I'm incredibly 'head of my schedule 
And better yet already started the letter addressed fresh to my next of kin 
Oh, did I mention when them trembling limbs attempt to grip 
Slippery cliffs it tends to get strenuous for them to uplift? 
Buying a trial to try it next, pile of meds for the side effects 
Debt I'm in steadily higher yet mentally deadening every time I invest 
I digress, annually family renders me flummoxed 
Wondering how we lumber around our houses stuffing our stomachs 
While the planet is crumbling 'round us and tumbling down, we're drowning but f*ck it 
Don't make a sound, focus on what is in front of you 
Shut up and shovel your hummus, muh'fuckas 
Forever I may exist making sense of this hate and rage 
Saying grace when the Lord giveth, complaining whenever he taketh away 
Try to race but the pain persists, pay no mind to the wasted dish 
You could try and I'd lie to your face like it's fine the way it is 

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine 
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine 
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine 
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine 

Depression's no joke, slow choke on a cold rope 
Broke, bolstering no hope 
Won't cope, so alone thrown 
With broken bones dislocated going slow on a low slope 
Mope, choking with no growth 
Close to the edge and so closed 
Oh no, oh so stoic, emotionless, provoked 
Morose, doping and toping, fill in the holes of a stolen soul
Bestowed below the burrows overdosing on woe and stoge smoke 
No cloak to hide behind and mostly solo yo 
Go sulking and skulking, sullen and soaking in loathing 
Croaking and moaning, groaning, 
Skull exploding, swollen lymph nodes oh 
Each moment denoted boding an omen unfolded 
Rolled and pulled in multiple ways, the days corroding, it's so old 
When happiness is the last thing we grasp alas we pretend to be 
When you go peer in the mirror appearing inferior 
Feeling that really the enemy's you 
And you can't make it through 
Never presented a clue, end is in view 
When your one coveted comfort is "f*ck it, I'll be dead eventually too" 
Who takes up the slack when the world's breaking your back? 
Making mistakes and you never can shake it away 
Ain't no taking it back, no hope of staying intact
Wait and anticipate everything turning to hell and then fading to black 
Hating the lack
Everyone laughing like that is what happens to those who would stray from the pack 
Starting to feel like a martyr, sheep for the slaughter
Trying to breathe underwater 
Every emotion is fake and numb 
Hating to sleep when waking up keeps getting harder 
Sorrow turns to the new norm, hollow becomes your true form 
When wallowing in remorse and forcing smiles is your uniform 
You were born to do more but your story in time would fade amiss
Used and worn, your hopes don't align like your life's a wasted wish 
Try to take such a major risk, just to find that it ain't worth piss 
With a smile on my face when I lie like it's fine the way it is

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