Vulnerable

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Shep

3:50

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I've been meditating I've been praying that I find my
Self because in the sin I've been lost I'm
Running out of options and
I've been conversating with angels when I'm unconscious 
Telling me I got this to help escape my monsters 
Danger creeps impatiently waiting to take me hostage 
Overthinking often don't even get me started
Anyone around me long enough can see my problems 
I try my best to hide it but that doesn't seem to solve it
Off the deep end but floating back to the top and I've been
Overthinking about the things I can't change 
So absurd I'm acting, I understand 
Still I stand so uncertain 
Why it's moving so fast  can't grasp it
Head is spinning, constellations circling around me
I'm unconscious if I'm honest I'm just kinda feeling nauseous 
And instead of being optimistic I just end up drowning 
In my thoughts and yeah my oxygen is lost again 
I'm concentrating 
On what not to do
And how to change myself
But then thoughts can make you lose and I've been losing to myself
And I've been counting off the days 
Where I fail at resolution 
And temporary happiness is not a substitution 
For God's unfailing love 
And we got some failing love 
Inside our life and we all look for different things to cheer us up
Well let me break the disappointing news, it's never gonna happen
We're mistaking happiness for a distraction

And that's me being vulnerable
Yeah, that's me being vulnerable
Yeah that's me being vulnerable

I buy promotion with money I know that won't last 
Just to pop up on your feed so you can scroll past
I spend hundreds of dollars making this music 
When I know nobody's gonna be listening but my whole class
I constantly need people to tell me how much they love me
I constantly get jealous of people that are above me 
Unconsciously I beg for attention throughout my music 
Saying "I don't care bout what you think" cause maybe then you'll think more of me
Spend all my time in the studio and none with my family
I guess I'm trying to become everything I know I can be 
Writing songs about the wisdom that I take for granted 
And it seems as if I never use the knowledge that I'm handed 
Spend all my time in the studio and none with my brother
Well you could call it a studio but it's just some covers 
And pillows that I hung on the wall with a thumbtack 
Trying to make it soundproof but they fall off to a love tap 
Care too much about aesthetics, not enough about
Serving God and really that's what everything's about
So pathetic that I count the views and likes and I get stuck in monetizing 
Instead of trying to spread the Gospel out 
My problems seem a lot bigger now that I can't disguise it 
Difference is I got a lot of hope and a different mindset 
I set reminders on my phone to pray to God but will I really feel connection 
If I have to be reminded? I'm just Vulnerable 

Yeah, that's me being vulnerable
Yeah that's me being vulnerable
I'm just being vulnerable

And that's me being vulnerable 
That's me being vulnerable

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