I made promises to keep the vibes positive And obviously don't wanna slip But also want to offer this knowledge that I've recently gained I felt this beat could retain Enough bitter sweet to help me reach in my brain Long and short is, I've bin a ghost since my Dad's diagnosis It wasn't something that I had to try and cope with He forgot a few things but on the most it Just seemed like old age, loss of focus, nothing hopeless A man of his doubts, stopped doing the family accounts Which was only weird cos his maths was renowned And if his patience had have run out he'da handed it down So it was difficult to see if he had planned it all out And this was like three years after he'd coached me to a first in maths I saw Uni as a worthless task, but he took the work on stats Re-learned that crap, and helped me understand it so I got my first year passed So 09 he was sharp enough to teach at degree level By 2012 basic finance seemed dreadful And a man who read several books in a month Was struggling to remember and retain characters, plots and that stuff A turning point came when he was admitted to hospital Complaining of severe pain, abdominal They couldn't find a problem but he was often confused and unsure Convinced people were plotting against him on the ward And when he got home he was normal for a bit, nothing, much differed Though he stopped cooking, he'd still do the dishes And listen to the radio or read a magazine Or faff around with a computer game he loved an RPG My Mum decided they should move while he was still with it So they up sticks and move in with my sister, till they could finish On a purchase of a house if you know where Nantwich is Down-sizing and near family has its advantages And I'd take a trip from Yorkshire on a weekend He could definitely see sense We watched Saturday's Match of the Day and we'd then Head out to walk Herbie by the river Go through the town and by the church and back in time for dinner This lasted a year and a bit, until times when he would just sit Watch the football, just staring at it Repeated questions that didn't need answering And didn't really know who was playing or what was happening I remember the last sense he made about football was complaining That people always try to take a shot from outside the box But Alzheimer’s was having its way with him... his profound mind was fog And… I was lost Dealt with it by not dealing with it, not talking to no-one Me and Ange argued daily, could have lost her and so on I'd take something out of context, make myself the victim Hate myself and kicked in the door to my kitchen No patience, people came for band practice and such And I'd be madder than f*ck, acting up, getting aggy and stuff People asking for favours would make me angry enough To shout at em, you called with questions I would hang up I tried to cure this disease I tried to cure it with sleep I tried to cure it with drinking, I tried to cure it with weed And it was only time and writing music that got me through this I apologised for being like it they said "don't be stupid" And now I'm avoiding seeing him, cos it does me no good My Mum called me a coward, it was justified but He's safe in a care home, he's being well looked after And doesn't know who I am, and I don't want him to have to But seeing him in that state, I don't want the lasting image I don't want to remember that, I want the mathematician The man who introduced me to jazz and Bradford City Who nurtured my interest in rap and played Madden with me He wasn't perfect and neither am I Last time I saw him I looked him in the eye And wished he would just die He's not suffering but he has no need for his life His brain's in pieces that he cannot find And the only thing he still seems to enjoy is eating at night At least he did until they couldn't feed him alright And he managed 5 days without a drink or even a bite And after that he seemed to peacefully die
Written by: Ben Goodwin
Lyrics © DistroKid
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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