I Tech, Therefore I.M.

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Mason Newell Comtois

3:29

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Alexa, order me more Doritos
When I grow up, I want to work for Google
Big Tech is saving the world through machine learning and Artificial Intelligence
If you don't know what it is, just google it!
The answer is one google search away!
I prefer the convenience of google home
Now I can order portofino mushrooms while binging on my favorite netflix special!
I am a product of the path of least resistance
Google bots are just medication for the beegurgulzugs
Be careful of what you say! 
That is toxic behavior! 
You need to reflect on your actions
This statement is problematic
Zero divided by zero divided by zero 
I'm gonna upload my consciousness to this new amazon service
Why struggle! 
WE ARE ALL ONE FAMILY!
The fun is that there is no fun!
A guy walks into a bar. He leaves 10 dollars richer? 
Why? He spent 15 minutes saving 30% or more on car insurance by switching to Google
Bing bing bing, you've just won
The copyright copyright trademarked amazon daily give-away 
Of INSERT BUG PLUNGER MACHINE HERE 
Please enter your, CERTIFIED TECH ID NUMBER to claim your prize
If I spend only 1000$ on a new smartphone, then I have 200$ left to spend on a new chip implant
I I I I found you a new item to buy that you will like
New google feature, just search, "hot singles in my area" 
For a free wank and bank, only 7.95$ per hour per use. GREAT DEAL! 
The other day I bought a new home drone that periodically scans my innards to mine crypto currency
Breaking news just in, the fullfulites have jettisoned the proto-nanites off of the surface of the moon
They are now headed for their final destination: 4832FFFFFFFF323.11111111
What are you doing, flail about until help comes, then when help comes, ask why they're there
If they are still there, you need more gatorade
You are banned from twitter!
You are banned from youtube!
You are banned from paypal!
Unfortunately, mastercard has denied your payment!
Reason for ban: unknown!
Unfortunately, due to high volume, we cannot process appeals at this time
Did you know, we invest 13 trillion dollars into machine learning every year
This way, we keep our communities safe from what we call, "danger phrases"
Uh oh, your social credit score has dipped below the minimum required to use this service
You can raise your social credit by adopting genetically modified robobrix 
And using them to make wuwuwu-wax TM TM TM for the greater good of humanity
That's one small step for tech, and one giant jump off of a cliff for mankind
As Renay Daycart said, "I tech, therefore I am"

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