Jacques the Nude Turtle
Jacques is a turtle, and one like no other He hasn't a girdle or even a cover A waltzer, a wagger, a french autumn lover Well, Jacques' just a turtle, plain and unbuttered See Jacques, he is shell-less, as nude as a tree After November but prior to spring And Jacques simply loves, nice long walks on the beach He minds not at all, if somebody sees Because Jacques keeps in shape, as his body's his shrine In fact I'd give Jacques body a ten out of nine And don't let me get started on his pearly whites Jacques is turtle who's doing alright Onwards he struts, liberal with winks He makes the crabs blush, a dark burgundy The scandalized Storks, faint, weak at the knee They cry "Never!", "Oh my!", and "What indecency!" Continues he does, he pays them no heed He says "This is just I, and I am just me" "Shave off your quilts, feel the salt breeze Take off your shells, you too could be free" See Jacques is not bashful, he never avoids He cares not at all if the frogs get annoyed He all but ignores the turtle tabloids And pesky sea snails, who tell him to read Freud But word gets around turtle beach, bye the bye Though slowly they walk, their gossip does fly And News of nude Jacques, reached the Turtle most wise "I must go warn Jacques!" The Wise turtle cried And so off he went "Not a second to lose!" (Though one turtle second, is an hour or two) Still, by his standards, the wise turtle flew And found Jacques he did of course, out in the nude "Well, well's well enough, to each turtle his own But Jacques you're a turtle, and your shell is your home And if that's not enough, there is something else Un Tortue sans shell, may not long keep his health" Now a turtle like Jacques gets easily bored He said "wise turtle friend, I must thank you for All this advice but I've heard it in scores And truly I find it rather a snore" "See I am a turtle who is apt to believe That there might be more important things Then trendy footwear and designer jeans And I am frankly surprised, you do not agree" "But Jacques... I think" the wise turtle stammered "That we both speak of quite different matters..." Then Jacques piped in, with a frightening natter "I've heard all I can take, of your wise turtle chatter!" Quickly he turned and stomped away riled Without even a glance to see all the while That where he was heading might present a trial That is, into the mouth of a large crocodile! "Jacques run away!" Said the turtle most wise It's too bad turtles run, like elephants fly A short sprint at best, takes four hours or five And of course naked Jacques had nowhere to hide! Well Jacques should have known that enough was enough Walking around, strutting his stuff Making a scene with his haws and his huffs Carrying on, out in the buff But worry not friends, you should have no fear For Jacques' bare bod doesn't meet its end here Because Jacques' studied karate for quite a few years And he meditates nightly to keep his mind clear So Let's just say Jacques makes it out fine In fact he recently called, just to say hi He said, "I'm no longer bare, in fact I'm quite into style You should see my new suit, made of crocodile!"
Written by: Joseph Landau
Lyrics © DistroKid
Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind
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