Feelings

Joanna Perricone  Buy

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I couldn't tell my mother, I couldn't tell my brothers 
Just knew that I was different, different from all the others 
That's what I told myself, 'cause no one would understand that 
I had these feelings, all these feelings no I surely can't 
See, I was 5 but I was crushing on the babysitter 
I was just a baby scheming ways so I could sit with her 
I remember crying just so she would turn and hold me 
Like did she really fall for that? Oh never-mind, go me! 
Elementary school I flew under the radar 
Singing songs and finger painting while developing my gaydar 
Onto middle school cool and my friend's looking attractive 
I approached it like a novice teasing them and being nasty 
Even got a boyfriend to cover up the dirty truth 
What the hell you want from me, the fucked up things we do in youth 
Couldn't hold it in no more, I finally had to let it out 
I was 12, what the hell, might as well come crawling out 

I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars 
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars 
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me" 
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease 
I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars 
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars 
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me" 
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease 

Tried to come out at a very young age, but I was met with resistance 
And I hoped in that moment that I would feel relieved, but not quite in that instance 
See, 'cause the girl that I liked was a tad bit religious, just a tad bit religious 
But she was my friend and when it all came out, she was like, "Lose my digits" 
Damn, used to hang out with the popular kids but overnight I was labeled a freak 
This is seventh grade, I'm impressionable and my God how the gossip leaked 
I was lowest on the totem pole, call it social suicide 
Keep my feelings to myself, then go home and cry and cry 
All the while terrified, terrified 
This is who I feel inside, f*ck these people never-mind 
I know nothing's wrong with me, I am normal 
But I retract from being out, I'm done with all these quarrels 
Level of maturity I guess my peers have yet to reach 
And that summer move to Florida surely helped me feel relief 
The only thing I set to do was try my best to blend in 
And all these crushes still prevailed, my prepubescent head spinning 
Britney Spears, Katie Holmes, Ginger Spice I lusted for 
Stocking up on fantasies like bottles in a liquor store 
 
I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars 
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars 
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me" 
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease 
I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars 
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars 
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me" 
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease 

And the second time of coming out went much, much better 
I was 15, part time getting cheddar 
Bagging all these groceries for Kristen I think 
She was 19, open minded and sweet 
Probably more astute than anybody had been 
And I got the green light, win win win 
My oh my how the tables have turned 
And if you're struggling with this, I hope you get what I've learned that 
The inner voice inside of you is never wrong 
Might face resistance from your friends, your peers or even Mom 
But screw em', you know who you are, you know who you are 
And who you are is so damn perfect 
Never let another human being tell you different 
Never let another human make you feel worthless 
June 26th, June 26th 
I lost my shit on June 26th 
June 26th, June 26th 
Think they finally get it, human rights in this bitch 
And I know that's not lady-like such foul language 
I guess I feel it justifies for all my bitter anguish 
How you say in Spanish, "Sobreviví y ahora" 
Visions of a home life, children and my own Señora
I couldn't tell my mother, I couldn't tell my brothers 
Just knew that I was different, different from all the others 

I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars 
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars 
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me" 
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease 
I wouldn't trade these feelings for the moon and the stars 
Almost scot-free I could show you the scars 
Used to yell at God and ask him, "Why the hell me" 
Now I talk to God and feel totally at ease

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Written by: Joanna Perricone

Lyrics © DistroKid

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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    "Feelings Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 26 Feb. 2021. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/1669050/Joanna+Perricone>.

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