I Was A Tortured Soul, Now Look At Me

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Jesse Schuler

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From the beginning
From the beginning
I didn't even wanna see myself winning
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul
From the beginning
From the beginning
I didn't even wanna see myself winning
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul

I miss you everyday
I remember holding you in my arms
You said it was okay
I saw the light leave your face
You're in a better place
It's hard to believe that's true
When you were taken away from me
You said you're finally free
You said it's not cause of me
Can you repeat that?
Cause I don't believe that
It's not because of me, dad
I've been trying to scream that
He wasn't there to see that

You won't find the same person twice
Not even in the same person

It was too much pain to take
For her
She couldn't move
Forward
It was only a year since
More and more dirt
Scattered over the casket
Her sorrows they lasted
She lived in the past
And she put on a mask
All until she withered
But all she did was cause more hurt
Her son is the one
Who she really tortured
Who she really tortured

I tried for many months
To put the blame on me
I tried for many months
To put the shame on me
Guilt wasn't everything
But it really seemed to be
All I could feel during my time of grief
I couldn't feel so I'd pretend
Being numb was my best friend
I knew that I could ignore it
My mind was distorted
My time, not important
My life, not important
And then it hit
That

From the beginning
From the beginning
I didn't even wanna see myself winning
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul
From the beginning
From the beginning
I didn't even wanna see myself winning
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul

I miss you everyday
Shedding all your better days
But I told you that I'm tortured
It started with lonely praise
Met a lonely chick to cope with
It started a broken phase
Of abusive toxicity
You cut me three different ways
My mind, then my heart
Then my spirit
Probably should've listened
Probably should've seen it
In your gaze
But I let you treat me like this
Cause I built up all this hate
Towards yours truly
Sworn through thee
The notes duly
Before ruly
Poured through me
I'm amazed
That my parents let me think this
"I'm deserving of this hate"
'Fore you blame yourself
You've got to clean from
Beginning, the slate
As I wipe my tears
And face my fears
I'm cowardly disgrace
As I stand up, I'm a phantom
I'm existing cause a date
Where my mom decided for me
Where I met up with my fate
But got sick of this
I'm listening
I'm proud of her mistake

From the beginning
From the beginning
I didn't even wanna see myself winning
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul
From the beginning
From the beginning
I didn't even wanna see myself winning
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul
I was a tortured soul

Huh
Now look at me
Now look at me
Now look at me
Now look at me

Check
Now look at me
I'm bred free
And deadly
Ain't afraid to ask the questions
To the soul that's heavy
Ain't afraid to look a mirror in the eye
And tell it that it won't repel me
Now look at me
I used to be misguided
Now I guide myself
Used to be too stifled
In a cycle to notice the spell
A recipe to melt
Used to punish my spirit when shit wasn't easy
It takes a village to fix oneself
Now look at me
I'm too ambitious
Now look at me
I'm too capricious
Now look at me
I used to hold wishes as enlightenment
And now I'm through the roof blissened
Now look at me

Now look at me
Now look at me
Now look at me
Now look at me

Now look at me
My only pride is when I'm proud
Of progress and that's all
You'll be afraid to touch the sky
If you're afraid to fall
Traumatized but idolize
Importance from afar
It's we unite
Or don't invite
We probably should talk
It's a suicide
If you and I
Don't share the lonely haul
Of a unified engagement
If we break up, then it's fall
As a fucking waste of time
It's time for curtain call
Bitch

I'm ready to go back
It's finally time
I did it

You did it
You crossed the final hurdle
You needed to so
You can become
Papilio

 Watch: New Singing Lesson Videos Can Make Anyone A Great Singer