Champagne Lecture

Frank ZappaFrank Zappa 

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Frank Zappa

Frank Vincent Zappa (December 21, 1940 – December 4, 1993) was an American composer, singer-songwriter, guitarist, recording engineer, record producer and film director. In a career spanning more than 30 years, Zappa wrote rock, jazz, orchestral and musique concrète works. He also directed feature-length films and music videos, and designed album covers. Zappa produced almost all of the more than 60 albums he released with the band The Mothers of Invention and as a solo artist. While in his teens, he acquired a taste for 20th-century classical composers such as Edgard Varèse, Igor Stravinsky, and Anton Webern along with 1950s rhythm and blues music. He began writing classical music in high school, while at the same time playing drums in rhythm and blues bands… more »

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You know
A lotsa of people don't bother about
Their friends in the VEGETABLE
KINGDOM they think
"What can I say? What can a person who is
New to the Midwest say to a vegetable?"
Suss it out, wankers! Suss it out, wankers!
Suss it out, wankers! Suss it out, wankers
Suss it out, wankers! Suss it out, wankers!
Suss it out
Wankers what's the matter with you?
Aynsley Dunbar!
And after sussed it out, wankers ok
You go and get yourself a
Big bottle of champagne! AAAH!
Find yourself a young vegetable victim!
Yeah!
Take your young vegetable victim step one
Now this is very important, you have to
Do it exactly this way bring the
Band on down behind me, boys
This gets technnical! You get
A Polaroid camera yeah!
And you make one good jump
From a balcony to another
Balcony on the seventh
Floor of the Sheraton Hotel in Jacksonville
Aynsley Dunbar, ladies and gentlemen
When you land on the other
Balcony with your Polaroid camera
Something like this heeey!
Shoot off one good flashbulb
Catching the agent will
Immediately turn around and say, "You know
I sure would like
To have that photograph" You walk
Up to the agent and say, "Well, ha, funny
You should mention it
I have this photograph here
And just about time
To develop it, yes it turned out great
It shows both of you here
And I'll give you this photograph
If you'll give me
The munchkin vegetable that you're with in
Order that I might make
A few more pictures " So
You make a quick trade
Holding the champagne bottle in abeyance
Until the rest of the
Members of your band have jumped
Over the same balcony eeeeeeeeh!
And come in and taken their places around the
Bed where the munchkin vegetable is laid
Out, posing Leg up in the air and
Legs down, legs to the side then
After some deft manipulation of the vital
Parts of the munchkin vegetable
Hey, I want some baby to hold
My tool and squeeze it
With one masterful stroke you might
Use several masterful strokes- shake
Up the magnum of champagne to a foamy froth
Holding your thumb over the end of it
No, no, no not the cork in, Frank, you
Pull the cork out suss it out, wankers!
They're a hip audience, Frank
They know what's gonna happen next!
After the band has given
You their complete attention
And is watching closely for the
Precise moment of the
Detonation of the alcoholic beverage
Into the vital
Organ, you give a sort of casual glance
Around the bedroom of the Sheraton
A suave little smile and wink one
Eye, adjust your bow tie
And just stuff it right in there! A-a-a-h!
And then you tell 'em how you
Feel you whip it right out
Take a snort off of it how do you feel?
Aynsley Dunbar no, no, no

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