Eh yo, new Lonely Island! 2011. Let's get 'em Kiv!

Eh yo, my dick don't work! That shit is soft as a pillow. My girly lookin' at me like 'You for real, dude?'

Ey yo hold up, hold up! We gotta come harder than that. Yo, tell 'em, Andy!

I think there might be somethin' wrong with my dick. It's like a melted stick of butter; so soft that it can't fill a rubber.

Eh yo, come on man! This is Lonely Island! People are countin' on us. I gotta run all these motherfuckers myself! Whoo!

Eh yo, I think I broke my dick in the sink. It's so small and ugly, all smashed and flat like it was playing rugby.

Hold up, hold up! This is serious. Kiv let 'em know!

Yo! For real, though, I suffer from Stinky Dick. Everytime I take a piss, it smells just like shit!

Haha, yeah! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout! Andy, show 'em how it's done!

My dick looks like the fat that you cut off a steak, smashed in like my balls went and stepped on a rake.

Lonely Island. Grammy nominated. Yeah! Hit 'em again.

Yo! Straight out the box with my soggy little shrimp. I was an 8-year-old girl before the doctor found my dick.

We make too much money for this shit. Murder music!

I shit the bed 'cause my dick played a prank on my butt. (Hit 'em!) Straight crept while I slept and stuck a laxative up.

Suppository music! Whatch'all know about incontinence?

I got Hepatitis C from a horse, but no confusion; it wasn't from the sex, it was a blood transfusion

WHAT? Muthafucka got horse blood! Whatch'all got?

I write freeky fan fiction where cartoons fuck! Got CGI Garfield licking Marmaduke's nuts.

Whoo! I would like to see that! This that Garfield sex music. Now ya'll just showing off. Preach!

I got a friend named Reggie who lives down at the dump. Every other week I swing by and bring him some lunch.

Oh! Now that just sounds nice. Imma call it right there. Game over, muthafuckas! Lonely Island: We started this fake rap shit. The world needs us!
Lyrics submitted by Patrick.