Song parody of
If That Chair Could Talk
by Rachel Proctor
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Imitation leather, Pink Naugahyde,
Two Inch tear down the left-hand side,
Came from my daddy's pocketknife,
That wasn't my fault
Moved along with us everywhere we went,
No matter where we lived it always fit in,
Kinda like our next of kin,
If that chair could talk
My little brother, Billy, broke his left hand
Jumpin' off the arm like superman
With my grandma's old red afghan tied around his neck
It's where at least a thousand books were read,
Our Siamese cat made her bed
It ever heard "And I thee wed"
When sister married in the living room
To that Phillips boy from just down the block
If that chair could talk
Mama bought it in a yard sale in '65
It was daddy's favorite chair after he retired
Survived all of that and a kitched fire,
Smoke stains wiped right off
It's where I spent a million hours talking on the phone
It was my favorite place to polish my toes
Something Mama didn't know,
If that chair could talk
From Leave it to Beaver to the Brady Bunch
Chicken Noodle Soup and Captain Crunch
TV Dinners to Sunday lunch, and movies late at night
Brother tippin' me backwards until I screamed
He'd get in trouble for bein' so mean
And when he told Mama that he'd joined the Marines
It's where she sat down in shock
The good, the bad, it's seen it all
If that chair could talk
It caught my tears,
Head me up when I felt bad,
It called my fears,
It's good to keep a friend like that.
It hid the ice cream money for hot summer days,
Listened while I practed for my high school play,
And all the times it heard me pray,
When things were going rough.
And it's where Bobby Baker gave me my first kiss,
Mama came in and nearly had a fit,
There's footprints of my life all over it,
We've been through a lot.
The good, the bad, it's seen it all,
If that chair could talk.
Imitation leather, pink Naugahyde
Two inch tear down the left-hand side
Imitation leather, Pink Naugahyde,
Two Inch tear down the left-hand side,
Came from my daddy's pocketknife,
That wasn't my fault
Moved along with us everywhere we went,
No matter where we lived it always fit in,
Kinda like our next of kin,
If that chair could talk
My little brother, Billy, broke his left hand
Jumpin' off the arm like superman
With my grandma's old red afghan tied around his neck
It's where at least a thousand books were read,
Our Siamese cat made her bed
It ever heard "And I thee wed"
When sister married in the living room
To that Phillips boy from just down the block
If that chair could talk
Mama bought it in a yard sale in '65
It was daddy's favorite chair after he retired
Survived all of that and a kitched fire,
Smoke stains wiped right off
It's where I spent a million hours talking on the phone
It was my favorite place to polish my toes
Something Mama didn't know,
If that chair could talk
From Leave it to Beaver to the Brady Bunch
Chicken Noodle Soup and Captain Crunch
TV Dinners to Sunday lunch, and movies late at night
Brother tippin' me backwards until I screamed
He'd get in trouble for bein' so mean
And when he told Mama that he'd joined the Marines
It's where she sat down in shock
The good, the bad, it's seen it all
If that chair could talk
It caught my tears,
Head me up when I felt bad,
It called my fears,
It's good to keep a friend like that.
It hid the ice cream money for hot summer days,
Listened while I practed for my high school play,
And all the times it heard me pray,
When things were going rough.
And it's where Bobby Baker gave me my first kiss,
Mama came in and nearly had a fit,
There's footprints of my life all over it,
We've been through a lot.
The good, the bad, it's seen it all,
If that chair could talk.
Imitation leather, pink Naugahyde
Two inch tear down the left-hand side
