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Marshall Bruce Mathers III, best known by his stage name, Eminem, is an American rapper, record producer, actor, and songwriter. Eminem is from Detroit, Michigan. more »

And everyone should get along,
OK children quiet down, quiet down 
Children I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day 
His name is Mr. Shady 
Children quiet down please 
Brian don't throw that (shut up!) 
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute 
While Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (he's got aids!) 
Good luck Mr. Shady 
Hi there little boys and girls
Today we're gonna to learn how to poison squirrels 
But first, I'd like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?) 
Say hi Bob! ("Hi Bob") Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom 
And he don't got a job, cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot 
But his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot 
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot 
And wait in the parkin' lot for waitresses off the clock 
When it's late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog 
Drag 'em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks 
And even if they escaped and they got the cops 
The ladies would all be so afraid, they would drop the charge 
Til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job 
When she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk 
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off 
But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker 
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka 
You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a "Dr." 
He grabbed Stace' by the legs as chopped it off her 
And dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her 
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander 
They never found her, and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner 
And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana, 
And what it might do to you 
So see if the squirrels want any, it's bad for you 
See children, drugs are bad (c'mon) 
And if you don't believe me, ask ya dad (ask him man) 
And if you don't believe him, ask ya mom (that's right) 
She'll tell you how she does 'em all the time (she will) 
So kids say no to drugs (that's right) 
So you don't act like everyone else does (uh-huh) 
Then there's really nothin' else to say (sing along) 
Drugs are just bad, O-K? 
My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it? 
Fuck no you ain't seen it, it's the size of a peanut (Huh?) 
Speakin' of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels? 
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world 
If someone ever offers it to you, don't do it 
Kids two hits'll probably drain all your spinal fluid 
And spinal fluid is final, you won't get it back 
So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back 
Meet Zach, twenty-one years old 
After hangin' out with some friends at a frat party, he gets bold 
And decides to try five, when he's bribed by five guys 
And peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it 
Suddenly, he starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyper-drive 
And his eyes roll back in his skull 
His back starts tah, look like the McDonald's Arches 
He's on Donald's carpet, layin' horizontal barfin'
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin' at him 
"Hey Adam, Zach is a jackass, look at him!" 
Cause they took it too, so they think it's funny 
So they're laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money 
Meanwhile, Zach's in a coma, the action is over 
And his back and his shoulders hunched up like he's practicin' yoga 
And that's the story of Zach, the ecstasy maniac 
So don't even feed that to squirrels class, cause it's bad for you 
And last but not least, one of the most humongous 
Problems among young people today, is fungus 
It grows from cow manure, they pick it out, wipe it off, 
Bag it up, and you put it right in your mouth and chew it 
Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff 
And everything slows down when you eat some of 'em.. 
And sometimes you see things that aren't there (Like what?) 
Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair 
(Mr. Shady what's a G-string?) It's yarn Claire 
Women stick 'em up their behinds, go out and wear 'em (Huh?) 
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms 
Whoops, did I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus 
Ya tongue gets, all swoll' up like a cow's tongue (How come?) 
Cause it comes from a cow's dung (Gross!) 
See drugs are bad, it's a common fact 
But your mom and dad, know that's all that I'm good at (Oh!) 
But don't be me, cause if you grow up and you go and O.D. 
They're gonna come for me and I'm a have to grow a goatee 
And get a disguise and hide, cause it'll be my fault 
So don't do drugs, and do exactly as I don't, 
Cause I'm bad for you 
Come on children, clap along (shut up!) 
Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin' dick!) 
Drugs are just bad, drugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!) 
So don't do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin' penis!) 
So there'll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!) 
(Mushrooms killed Kenny! (stern)fart(stern) Ew, ah!) 
(So, fucked up, right now)


Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

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"Kids Lyrics." STANDS4 LLC, 2016. Web. 24 Oct. 2016. <>.

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