Higher Education of Ole Blue
by Ray Stevens

Well, my daddy was a backwoods, self-made type,
He never went to school, couldn't read nor write,
But made a fortune sellin' hogs,
And he was suspicious of education.

So when I told him I was goin' off to school,
He said "Well, you listen to some dumb citified fools,
But don't expect no less from me, son,
And no financial remuneration."

Now my dad was tight, but he loves his dogs, that's true,
Yeah, the favorite of his pack was called 'Old Blue'.

So I called my dad, and when I got to college,
I said "Dad, I know you don't think much of human knowledge,
But they got a course down here where they can teach dogs to speak."

Now I don't mean to speak like an Oxford bum,
Naw, they show these dogs and carry on
An intelligent conversation,
And some even go on to teach.

And when I heard of that course,
Of course, I thought of you.
And how great it'd be
If we could sit and talk to Ol' Blue.

Well, the line fell silent, I thought I was lost,
But he finally spoke up and said "What's that cost?"
I said 'Dad, it's a bargain at five thousand bursar messages.' "

Well, he didn't balk and he didn't complain,
And Ol' Blue showed up on the very next train,
And that's how my dad became a proud investor

In the higher education of Ol' Blue,
Surely Dad if it's not, it ought to be true,
About a crystal windfall situation
Of my very own creation,
The inspiration that I call
The education of Ol' Blue.

And the money just kept on rollin' in, (chuckles)
For eight semesters, forty thousand dollars, whoo!

Well, all too soon, time to graduate,
The day had dawned, I'd come to hate
The day I had to go home and face my dad.

When I stepped off the train, he said "Where's Ol' Blue?"
(whistles) "C'mere boy, I want to talk to you,"
And I swallowed hard and said "Pop,
I got some news, and I'm afraid it's bad."

"You see, comin' home on the train
Ol' Blue was smokin' his pipe
And readin' the New York Times
When he took off his glasses
Looked over and said "Boy,
You're worried about your daddy's crimes."

Then he said, "He's a mass murderer, just ask any hog,
And he's treated my mama just like a dog
And rubbed my nose in stuff you wouldn't believe,
And made me sleep on the hard, cold ground,"

"But I can talk now, yesterdays are through,
'Cause I'm gonna tell your mama a thing or two
About his sneaky drinkin' habits, yeah
And his affair with the widow Brown."

"And when I heard Blue say those things, Pop
Somethin' snapped inside my brain.
So I grabbed him up and I strangled him."
And I throwed him off the train.

Well my dad looked at me with his eyes ablaze
And his face contorted like somebody crazed
And he didn't look like he believed a word I'd said.

Then he grabbed my coat, pulled me up real close
And said "Boy, there's just one thing I wanna know:
Are you real sure that no-good, lyin' fleabag was dead?"

And that's the story of the higher education of Ol' Blue,
Surely Dad, if it's not, it ought to be true,
About a crystal windfall situation
Of my very own creation
The inspiration that I call
The education of Ol' Blue

The inspiration that I call
The education of Ol' Blue-ue-ue.
Lyrics submitted by Sterling.
These lyrics are not available for printing.