D and D
by Stephen Lynch

Harmonica,
More Harmonica,
Bassoon,
And you're a cock sucker,

Thank You,
Great!

I got my twelve sided die,
And I'm ready to roll,
With a wizard and my goblin crew,
My friends are coming over to my mom's basement,
Bringin Funyuns and the Mountain Dew.

I got a big broad sword,
Made outta card-board.
And that stereo's a pumping Zeppelin,
Dazed and Confused.

It's that time of the night,
We turn on the black light.
Let the Dungeons and the Dragons begin!
It's D&D!

Fighting with the legends of Yore,
It's D&D!
Never kissed a lady before!
Nope, he hasn't!

Well the Lord of the Rings,
The Dark Crystal and things,
We use this as a reference tool.

And when we put on our cloaks,
And tell warlock jokes,
We're the coolest kids in the school!

No we're not,
I know.

Now Tyke's a real bastard,
But a fair dungeon master,
He's got hit-points and charisma to lend.

And I rehearse in my room,
Or what I call,
"The Dragon's Tomb"
When I'm at it with my girlfriend.

You ain't gotta girlfriend,
Yes I gotta girlfriend,
I,
I,
I,
Stop lying to me and the American viewing public,
You just said in the first verse that you never kissed a lady before,
And just last night in the hotel room,
I caught you jerking off to the Victoria's Secret catalog...

It's D&D!
Summoning the demons of hell,
It's D&D!
When our shift ends at the Taco Bell!
Ca-pasa! Chipula!

Well my Midieval brother,
There's room here for another,
Would you care to take a roll of the die?

Now listen to my words,
You guys are fucking nerds,
I'd rather stick that sword in my eye.
Wow!

You're not a warrior strong,
You're fucking white as a bong,
There's no such thing as a gnome or a sprite,
I put a spell on thee,
You guys are too much for me!
That's your momma said last night!

It's D&D!
Warriors who terrify!
It's D&D!
Virgins- Till the day- We-eeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeee,

Oh-oh
Oh-oh-ah-oh
Oh-oh-ah-oh

No, no!
One,two,
Fuck you!
Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
---
Lyrics submitted by Mick.